I've Thought All Over Myself Again

I'm finna write myself out of my funque.

In the meantime, I've decided to share something with you guise. All fourteen people who read my blog when I posteth...I has an announcement.

Methinks I've figured out what my desire really is.

I have a desire to really help young people. I want to make a difference in someone's life. I want to be one of those who changed someone for the better or helped motivate them to do more. I haven't figured out what capacity just yet, but I want to do something..more.

Over 300 job applications have been sent out since February and they've been for some of everything. I've fought furiously to find "The Job"..often reading a description and thinking that THIS is going to be THE gig! I'd look at the shift, the pay, the company...and fall in love. I would confidently submit my info and wait..

..and wait..

..and check my spam..

..and carry my phone everywhere..

..and hear nothing.

I just applied to be applying. Some jobs, I really didn't want, but as an unemployed human, who am I to say what I won't do, you know? Or that's what I told myself. I began trying to alleviate my stress by saying "only three days a week, no more than two hours a day" of applying. Then I began feeling like I was hindering my progress by only giving six hours a week to job applying..so then I got indignant.

Alas, I digress.

I began talking to my people about my feelings. We'd laugh and throw ideas around about my next job prospects. My last idea was to walk in Hooters like I forgot I was still somewhat fat and very knock-kneed and apply like a bawse.

Laughing...but pondering mightily.

But when we talked seriously about what my ideal career would entail..and I would get past the dream of being allowed to wear New Balance everyday..I realized I wanted to be in a place to truly help people..esepecially young adults.

I think about my experiences daily. I think about how things would be if I didn't have the support systems I had in life. What if I didn't have people to tell me I can do whatever I set my mind to doing? What if I didn't have someone to help me up when I fell? What would I do if nobody told me Hattie's Tamales were on Willie Mitchell Boulevard?


I think I just want to share my experiences to uplift and encourage. Matter of fact, I know. I just find it so scary to stop applying for jobs and focus solely on the ones in which I could truly make a difference. When I look in my wallet and see them dead ass gnats where my cash should be, I begin looking for what pays instead of what I love or at least would grow to love.

Some ideas I've pondered involved teaching, case working, counseling, anything that places me in a place where I can be supportive to people. Right now, they're simply ideas. I may just be delirious from stress and letting my head run roughshod. I've applied at Southwest, Shelby County Schools, Empire, hell..anywhere I think I can be of service and be able to buy gas.

I even applied to be a secretary at a school in hopes of just getting through the door. I am really trying to cultivate my dreams into a satisfying career. I hope I'm not being too terribly optimistic.

Hell..it's better than what I have been lately.

Help a kid out.



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