EarthWindFire82 of Memphis

So many of yall are aboot to flood my Twitter timeline and Facebook home page with a bunch of impending failures for 2011. Yeah, I said it...impending failures. Most of you know these as "New Year's Resolutions". These are often shat upon before it warms up outside, and they really are hilarious. In most cases, the person making the resolution is so serious about this year's change that you almost think they'll make it to Easter...but they don't. Allow me to share with you some common resolutions and my thoughts. Maybe through this program you'll see where you went wrong in choosing your resolution and how you can avoid failure...or at least delay failure to Summer 2011. *The Weight Loss Resolution* This is one of the most common resolutions in history. They are made by so many people that King Jesus doesn't even hold this against you as a lie. He knows that you really thought you'd workout this year, so he gives you a mulligan. After having

Are you tired of traditional four year colleges taking all of your money and leaving you with nothing more than a piece of paper and major debt? Are you sick of all the "Adult Learning Programs" that really DON'T work with your life? Do you want to play sports other than the ones the NCAA regulate to the point of boredom? Well me too dammit! This is why we have the new addition to the LeMoyne Owen College area...The University of Tennemissitucky! Founded in this year, Tennemissitucky is soon to be the newest thorn in the side of the Tennessee Board of Regents..that is if they find out about us in time. The mission of our school is simple: do whatever the hell you want, pay us, then subsequently get the hell out. We don't hold you to unnecessary standards such as "Core Classes" that expire in a few years. Funny how your courses expire...but the student loan debt doesn't... To hell with all that. Here at the U, we cuts to the chase. You majoring

Unfortunately, the fokes who need to learn from this note won't see it. They've most likely deleted their pages. Then again, this is a general reminder of how the truth is the best thing, but nobody wants to hear it. It's nothing new to those with common sense, but every now and then, there is a need for a refresher course. ***Facebook Statuses*** Nobody gives two shits about your problems with another woman. I don't mean those legitimate statuses where we talk about our friends or joke about something we saw. I mean those statuses along the lines of "I TOLD THAT BITCH SHEEN FUKKIN WIT NO ROOKIE" and "IF YOU THINK YOU GETTIN MY MAN YOU BETTER REKKANIZE". Most likely, she has already succeeded in her endeavor. I don't really think the sensible Facebook crowd cares. Besides, that ain't sexy after age 19. By age 20, you should already recognize if another woman is with "your man" and fire them both accordingly. After all, you w

First of all, that may NOT be catfish for sale for $3.49 at the Farmer's Market on Kirby Parkway & Winchester. It's good as hell, but it may not be catfish. If you know what it is then let me know...I mean, at least put a label on that for the kid. ANYHOO! Here's a quick mental pimp slap for the masses. As the title implies, this has to do with apologies. Chicago & Az Yet said it's hard to say "I'm Sorry", but it really isn't. As a matter of fact, it's SO easy that people have taken power from the phrase. Remember when we were coming up, we were taught to apologize for what we did wrong? Like, if we sprung on someone, and got in trouble, we were often made to say "I'm sorry". Even those of us with offspring have made our own apologize for disrespecting someone. In short, that phrase is used about as often as "thank you" and "go to hell". So, with that being said, it has lost its power. Now, we say w

Good afternoon Fokes, Fam & PHAm! I got a little space to run my mouth and ponitificate, so I think I will! I won't be before you long, but I had to share some of my opinions yet again. As you can tell by the title, I got a little bit to say about the people of our great country. I welcome your opinions and comments as always, and I also want ignorance to stay the hell out my house...as there is no place for such in this joint. Our great country is full of people. People of different races, creeds, colors and religions. Also various disabilities, abilities, mentalities and educational backgrounds. In short, there is no one description for the people of the United States of America. You can look at some people in other countries and narrow down the options of where they originate, or their ancestors at the very least. However, you can't exactly point out a person before they open their mouths and say that person is from the United States (or at least I reckon you c

WHY DID E*TRADE SETTLE WITH THAT CRACKHEADEDNESS EXTRAORDINAIRE? Oh, good afternoon. It was a hunnerd damn degrees today, so I felt the need to act a plum donkey. But, step away from using Axe to scrub your balls and listen as I share some stuff I learned on the interwebs. As I opened, I was telling you guys that E*Trade actually settled with Lindsay Blow-han about the "Milkaholic" thing. Of course, they won't tell us how much crack they bought her in the settlement, but TMZ says that her team is "very happy". Welp, the lawsuit itself was for $100 MEELION dollars. We all know that David Ruffin got a gang of dope for a Lincoln Towncar and expired tickets, so ain't no telling what all ol' girl is going to buy. Oh...that is if she doesn't end up back in jail because she got a little warrant-poo out for her arrest for failing more drug tests. Someone tell her to stop letting Flynn buy her crack.. Paris Hilton kinda admitted in a way that "

Aight people and others, I got things to share. Go get some chicken, paper plates, hot sauce and a napkin and join me at the kitchen table. I cannot guarantee that these will not be non sequitur, nor can I guarantee that I didn't have a pee run while typing this. I can only guarantee that they will be my thoughts and that they may be on sale soon at your local Hattie's Tamales. *So a study said that kids who were spanked have higher likelihood of being violent. Well, as I've always said, you don't spank a kid when YOU are pissed, but once you've cooled yoself down. The purpose of said action is a last resort in discipline, not a way to displace your anger and embarrassment. Besides, out of 1,000+ FB friends, I'm sure a great number of kids were spanked before. None of us aggressively run over armadillos or punch cacti, now DO we? *Santonio Holmes was traded to the Jets for $35 and a 6 month subscription to Xbox Live. THEN he starts the season off on a 4 g

Jode's aunt Patricia Moody just posted this info: "Services for Jode will be held next Wednesday, 4/7 at Riverside Chapel Seventh-Day Adventist Church, 800 Youngs Lane, Nashville, Tn 37207. Visitation will be from 11:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. Services will be from 12:00 to 1:00 p.m. Interment will be at Greenwood Cemetery North, 1248 Dickerson Pike, Goodlettesville, Tn. Thank you all again for your overwhelming comments out here on fb. She will be truly missed! God Bless!!" She wanted us to keep reposting and reminding each other so we could try to make it there. Tag anyone else or repost this so we can be there if able.Thanks.

You know, I still could use another job, and they SHOULD tear Marina Cove down...but Brother Wharton really put some soul into this letter. This made me kind of like the ol' M-Town again..well, until the next time I have to go through the inspection line...or to the WIC office...or to court...or, well...GO MEMPHIS! 2010 March 1 by Mayor Wharton Dear Mr. Forbes, Last Tuesday, I had the privilege of welcoming home a team of physicians, surgeons, and specialists from Memphis’ Le Bonheur Children’s Medical Center who traveled to Haiti to attend to the youngest victims of the devastating earthquake. These are exceptionally brilliant and compassionate lifesavers and caregivers, some of the finest in the world. They selflessly gave up weeks of their own lives, careers, and time with their families to minister to the needs of impoverished strangers on the other side of the planet. When I stepped out of Le Bonheur, I looked up at their new hospital, currently under construction and slate

MAN! It's been a LONG time since I wrote anything! I don't really know why, but we ain't worrying about the past! Let's proceed in this general cardinal direction. First of all...Hello! Second of all...I'm accepting donations for steak. Now, on to my note... WELP! I was listening to Tom Joyner yesterday and Jacque Reid had a gentleman on her segment who had written a book titled "The Denzel Principle: Why Black Women Can’t Find A Good Black Man" by Jimi Izrael. Within a short period of time, I could tell that Jacque did NOT agree nor receive one word that Jimi said. From what I gathered in his short (and highly interrupted) segment, he stated that this book was written from HIS experiences and that he was sharing HIS opinions. Jimi also stated that in his two failed marriages, both women expressed to him that he should be more like Denzel. Hmm. He also stated that statistics show that 42% of Black women are unmarried, but felt that this number wasn