T.E.N. Political Pages, aka-Well Pardon Me


On yesterdeh, George "Whatdahellhappened" Bush pardoned and commuted some people's sentences. I guess he wanted to get his points or something up. It doesn't really matter much because he's just fighting to stay relevant.

It still ain't working. Anyhoo, this is interesting because in the eight years he's been effing up the free world, he's only handed out 171 pardons and 8 commutations. According to my source, that's less than HALF of what Clinton and Reagan issued in their eight years in office.

Bush has his damn nerve. Somebody invite his ass to Orange Mound.

In the interim, I'll just go ahead and name the members of the 2008 Class of Freedom, along with my two cents:

*Scooter Libby-Commuted*He was the former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, who was convicted in 2007 of obstruction of justice and perjury during an investigation into the leaking of the identity of CIA officer Valerie Plame. Bush commuted Libby's 30-month prison sentence.

*Leslie Owen Collier of Charleston, Mo-Pardoned* She was convicted for unauthorized use of a pesticide and violating the Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act. Really nigga??? I've been spraying Raid on everything outside my front door for eight years...

*Milton Kirk Cordes of Rapid City, S.D-Pardoned* Cordes was convicted of conspiracy to violate the Lacey Act, which prohibits importation into the country of wildlife taken in violation of conservation laws. Okay. I'm going to look that up

*Richard Micheal Culpepper of Mahomet, Ill.-Pardoned* He was convicted of making false statements to the federal government. In other words, lying on taxes maybe??? Fokes been claiming wayward kids for over 20 years.

*Brenda Jean Dolenz-Helmer of Fort Worth, Texas-Pardoned* Reporting or helping cover up a crime. The story of Orange Mound.

*Andrew Foster Harley of Falls Church, Va.-Pardoned* Harley was convicted of wrongful use and distribution of marijuana and cocaine. So, when you say "wrongful use", does that mean he didn't inhale the weed or what? I just want to know so my peeps won't get locked up for passing the blunt to the right hand side instead of the left.

*Obie Gene Helton of Rossville, Ga-Pardoned* Unauthorized acquisition of food stamps. Okay, this one is funny because fokes use Food Stamp cards all the time! I mean, you can catch some fokes and cop $65 in stamps for the $50. I mean REALLY!

*Carey C. Hice Sr. of Travelers Rest, S.C.-Pardoned* Income tax evasion. Okay, I can see that one.

*Geneva Yvonne Hogg of Jacksonville, Fla-Pardoned* Bank embezzlement. That too, is understandable.

*William Hoyle McCright Jr. of Midland, Texas-Pardoned* Making false entries, books, reports or statements to a bank. You mean, lying on your bank ledger? Okay. Maybe.

*Paul Julian McCurdy of Sulphur, Okla.-Pardoned* Misapplication of bank funds. Like using loan money to go get a Tahoe instead of a house? That's ILLEGAL?!? Hmm...

*Robert Earl Mohon Jr. of Grant, Ala.-Pardoned* Conspiracy to distribute marijuana. In other words, talking about selling weed. Man look, the economy is too damn bad to act like you haven't at least THOUGHT about selling weed to pay for gas!!!

*Ronald Alan Mohrhoff of Los Angeles-Pardoned* Unlawful use of a telephone in a narcotics felony. LOLOL! WHAT?!? Really? You hit a nigga for calling his partner to see if he wanted a dime bag?!?!?

*Daniel Figh Pue III of Conroe, Texas-Pardoned* Illegal treatment, storage and disposal of a hazardous waste without a permit. aka-throwing out some shit.

*Orion Lynn Vick of White Hall, Ark.-Pardoned* Convicted of aiding and abetting the theft of government property. Helping a nigga steal stamps

*John Edward Forte of North Brunswick, N.J.-Commuted sentence* Possession with intent to distribute. You know, John Forte! Used to roll with The Fugees! Well, he had a cocaine charge, and that mandatory minimum thing got him. It was his first offense and he got 14 years FEDERAL time. Since he was maintaining innocence, he said to screw the plea bargain. I don't blame him either. At any rate, even Carly Simon wanted him out of jail!

*James Russell Harris of Detroit, Mich.-Commuted sentence* Cocaine charge. Prolly the same thing John Forte dealt with.

At any rate, a few more fokes are trying to get pardoned and such, but I don't really care. All I know is that he didn't pardon at least one person that mattered to me...


*Tamara shakes her fist at Bush and everyone who rode with him...*


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