De-Fat Journey Thoughts for 7/13

YAY!!!



But boo...

That sums up the last couple days.  I'm yet excited that I'm at 23 pounds down, but I cannot get my mind off of how I wish it was more.  This journey has been rolling four months and I feel damn near bipolar about it.

On the BOO side:

I refuse to believe that 23 pounds in four months is good progress.  Dr. Jordan (my PCP with impeccable fashion sense) tells me that the average of 4-5 pounds a month is just fine.  He feels that my gradual loss will guarantee that I won't regain any of the weight and won't put too much stress on my body.  I be like "I feel you, buuut...no".  He has since learned that I'm nuts and he accepts this.

I can't SEE any of this shit either. THAT'S the other thing that makes me want to steal a Kroger basket and leave it in the street.  I am like a half size smaller..too small for some clothes but not small enough to dump them jawns.  It's so irritating because I'm not remotely doing what I want.  I amp up the workouts..even walking in sweltering heat and the infamous "I'll take the stairs from the 10th floor to the ground floor" incident.  I'm doing the exercises I learned from Gene and then some.

I admit I'm still having a hard time mastering the eating part.  There's something innately frustrating about making myself eat when I worked hard to stop the mindless eating and dumbass gluttony.  Now I'm downing water like a busted radiator and not hungry as much...and apparently that's not good. Bollocks.

One the YAY side:

Losing ANY weight after years of failure is a great thing.  As my ortho docs have said, any weight off of my feet is an improvement.  Regardless of how I feel about how few pounds I think it is, there's no need to act like it's nothing.  I am making progress...and the thing about progress is that it IS forward motion.  When I started this journey in April, I had no damn bricks.  Now I have 23 bricks. 

So in the mathematics class sense...if Tamara had no bricks to throw through the window in April, but in July she has 23 bricks...then how many windows will she be able to break????

Boom.  Now for a gratuitous Freddie Mercury moment....


~Fin

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