T.E.N. Entertainment Goulash, aka-Photos and Phonics

Heller! I am in the process of sitting here with an ankle brace on trying to figure out where I went askew. Apparently, I am fragile, but only on the left side.

I guess that means I ain't right.


So, now that the audience is throwing beer bottles at me, I'll get started with my report.

*Here, we have Eva Longoria smoking. Nobody really knew she did, so there was a little bit of a gasp or something.

*Britney Spears has come back for real this time. While only 3.7 million people watched her MTV special, her album is selling. I'm glad for the ol' hick. Seriously, I just hate that she is still under strict watch. We'll never know how recovered she is if they won't let her DO anything on her own...

*Anne Heche is pregnant. This fool here has been gay, married, divorced and now is pregnant by her boyfriend. Pray for this fool.

*The State of California is going broke. They may have to even stop current construction projects within the next few months. Way to go Ah-nuld. F**king fool number two...

*Got milk Chris Brown? Yeeeah, I'm not going there today.

*Moment of silence for De'Angelo Wilson (in the backseat of the car) from "8 Mile" & "Antwone Fisher". He was found behind a buiding, and had committed suicide. His family couldn't even afford to ship his body back home, but some good people intervened on their behalf. De'Angelo just couldn't take the pain and stress of trying to make it in Hollywood anymore.

*My peoples, The Duggar Family. She's still pregnant with 18 and is due on New Years Day. The oldest boy, Joshua, got married this September at age 20. I like them. I just can't have that many damn kids. Hell, I don't think I've had that many people in my house!!!

I have?



*Heidi Montag's mom wants the blood test back from the wedding. She thinks Spencer drugged her into marrying him. I wouldn't do that mommy Montag, you might find out that your daughter is just crazy as cat shit.

*Heeeeere's Houston's one eyed ass. Eww.

*Jodie Sweetin is getting a divorce. Apparently, her husband quit his yob after they got married. How rude!

*This is Jessica Alba posing for a photo shoot.

*This is Jessica Alba posing for a photo shoot after being AIRBRUSHED.

*Here's FedEx, aka-KFed with the kids. Word on the skreet is that he's actually being a daddy....congratulations!

*This is Marion Barber walking away. Jerry Jones tried to call him out for not wanting to play on a dislocated pinkie toe. Someone tell Jerry to sit down, please.

*Um, NeNe Leakes got evicted. However, she won't admit it. I'm not making fun of a person's misfortune, but I DO tease those who try to be baller and not accept the situation at hand! I guess she didn't want people to think that she didn't get bank from "Real Housewives of Atlanta".


*Here's Ne-Yo and his LONG TIME GIRLFRIEND!!!

*Oprah admitted she's 200 pounds now. The only reason I'm not teasing her is because she admitted that she fell off the wagon. At least it wasn't that wagon of fat she had a looooong time ago...

....question: What do you call a plate from Mexico?

*a Plaxico

I know, I know. Go to hell.

*Ricki Lake said she can't believe she was fat. Hell, I can. I seent it!

*Introducing Matteo & Valentino Martin, aka-the children of Ricky Martin. He said he didn't want to adopt because of all the red-tape and such. He did say that he takes care of the kids on his own. Cut up, Ricky!

I still think he may be a little gay, but me likey him anyhoo.

*Toni Braxton had a benign tumor removed from her breast. She is said to be fine and was just trying to make sure that her family history of breast cancer hadn't spread to her.

*And Amy Winehouse's husband is going to finish out his sentence in jail because he had cloudy piss. Not shocked...after all, he finally come out and admitted that he introduced Amy to all that hard shiggity. He said that Amy was a weedhead only, but he turned her on to the heavier stuff.

Bitch. Done effed up our favorite Brit since Mr. Humphries...

Well fokes, that is all for today. More to come soon...

p.s.-I needs ideas for Ralph's birthday Saturday. I want to feed the man something good, so restaurant ideas please!!!


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