To Hell With Her..And Answer the Gee Golly Door, Bobby!

Some time ago, I wrote about an emotional vampire.

I keep thinking about her because she is something I have never had to deal with in my life.  I have not lost many people I considered CLOSE friends.  One situation involved the alleged friend getting mad because I didn't know enough of her business to tell her what her man was doing.  She hasn't talked to me in about 4-5 years, and I haven't even tried to make contact.  Not because I was so angry with her, but because she was the textbook example of why I don't get too terribly involved with people's relationship issues..the violated party gets mad that you didn't intercede, and the violator makes peace and then the violated is mad at you and hugged up with her boo.

If that didn't make sense, dude does something bad, you don't tell the girl because you got your own problems, she finds out and gets mad at YOU but makes peace with HIM so you lose a friend and they are yet cool.

Yeah.  Shit's dumb.  As dumb as dancing on damn butter.

This person is different in that I have zero desire to make peace with her.  I used to be the type who would try to talk out situations, try to get some kind of idea as to what went wrong.  If I did something wrong, let me rectify it.  If it was a misunderstanding, let's talk it out.  But when a person makes it her business to avoid you directly, and won't answer your texts or calls, at over 30 years realize that those are the actions of a person who doesn't want to be in contact with you.  But I have a problem with her approach.

Let me tell you why.

The way that this person was when we were friends, not a day would go by without a series of texts.  Mundane chats about the most random things, because that's what friends do.  Close friends talk about everything and nothing.  When she was catching hell in her life, my phone stayed lit up.  And she wasn't one to send a line or three.  No, my dears and sirs, you got BLOCKS of texts.  A simple message about a severe weather warning turned into hours of us talking.  That's what friends do.  When she had problems with her ex, when she needed to tell me all the repugnant shit he did to her and her kids, my phone would sing "Charlie Murphy" in the key of Dave Chappelle's finest of Rick James impersonations so much that I actually had to put it on silent.

When I showed enough love and concern for her to reach out about an unhealthy relationship she was in, I emailed her.  I didn't throw shade at her, acting like I was Sheila Whalum or whatnot, gotdamn me...I came to her humble, as a friend, one who worried about her and her kids.  This woman sent me chain emails AND texts defending this sorry bastard that was being verbally abusive to her and her kids.  She argued me down, saying that I was being judgmental...that she at least "knew the nature of that beast".  Yes, people...she wanted to be verbally abused as long as she wasn't alone.  I loved this friend enough to reach out and tell her she deserved better...and she stuck up for this dude...even after asking our mutual friend and MY husband to protect her home while she put the dude out of her house.

I could go on..but yeah, when it comes down to communication, this broad was the QUEEN of talking and texting.  So imagine how shocking it is for the last text I ever got to be a short, snarky little comment followed by a lie.  Top that with me going up to her door and talking to her...and noticing fakeness.  From that day to this (almost 3 weeks), not one word from her..even as she allows her kids to go out the back door of HER house to knock on MY back door and ask to hang outside with MY daughter...prolly hiding behind her curtains and shit.

Oh, this turned into a rant.

Okay.  So yeah. I did my usual analysis to make sure I am not making a knee-jerk reaction based on emotion.  That's what I do...because I don't like to apologize...and the easiest way to avoid that is to think before I act.  My thoughts led to the last blog I wrote about her being an emotional vampire...which is why I can calmly say that I at least know what I'm up against with a person like her...and I don't need it.

I don't need a person in my circle that I cannot trust.  And I cannot trust a person who only seems to need you when they are trying to implant you with reasons to think they are always the victim.  In hindsight, I wonder WHO she really was.  WHO was I really friends with?

One thing that I can say about my verified and tried friends, is that we can tell each other the good, bad, and ugly.  Meaning if I do something wrong, they will tell me.  They are my people, and I am their person in return.  Even if I done pissed one of them off royally, we talk things out.  There have been tears, cuss words, jeers, and hugs...sometimes in one damn conversation.  If today ain't a good day for me to be worrisome, they'll tell me to call back or will text if they're really feeling some kind of way.  I'm not used to this new ignorance.

She tells people it's "being off the grid".  That's her favorite phrase.  Years ago, she deleted her Facebook to get off of said grid.  Now, I wonder if that's her M.O.  You get in close and fast, then you just disappear.  How could you go off the grid so tough that your alleged close friends don't know how you are doing?  Gotdamn me, she ain't Christopher McCandless going into the wild and shit.  She lives *points* over there!

She is a manipulator.

She is a con artist.

She is a professional victim.

She is a liar.

And I have no place at all in my life for that.  I am 31.2 years old.  She's older than I am...and I refuse to believe that her upbringing was so janky that she never learned how to be a real friend.  I defended her so many times, charged a lot of things to the game...because that's what I do for my people.

I still haven't come to the decision as to whether or not I will allow our kids to play outside together again.  I would hate for our kids to lose their friendship because of her toxicity.  They are young and they are innocent...and my daughter has never had neighborhood friends to play with before.  I admit..I need time to see how I feel about it.

But as for the adults in this situation...I'm done with her.  She MAY repeat past behaviors and try to act like nothing happened at all...she MAY even go so far as to offer an explanation for why she was how she was. I will let her speak her piece...but I can't see one reason on this Earth for her to flip on me and others who she claimed were friends to her.

OH WELL...Tam has no use for that.  I got to figure out where I'm going to hang these other damned shirts.  That means I have bigger fish to fry..


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