Can We NOT Shade the Mamas, Fokes?

Under any post about moms being frustrated or less than Heidi Klum giddy, you'll see the following comments..

"Why have them if you won't take care of them?"

"There are people out here who would LOVE to have kids"

"Give them to someone else who'll love them"

"HOW DARE YOU say such things about your kids?!"

The comedy is that you'd think that those comments came as a response to something like a mom admitting she beats her kids on Tuesdays after dinner.  But those and other comments have come from the few times moms are actually honest about the fact that they just get damn tired and frustrated sometimes.

It has come to my attention that moms are not expected, nor allowed to be honest about how they feel.  We are supposed to walk around with a smile on our faces at all times, and we can't tell anyone about the moments when we just want to be in silence.  Whether we have a co-parent to help or not, it just seems like moms cannot go against the grain.  I know that moms get burned out around the world each and every single day, so why can't we talk about it?

If motherhood was actually an occupation, do you know that we'd be able to sue and raise a gang of hell?  At my job, I get lunch breaks, vacation days, benefits and sick days.  When you're a mom, you are underpaid, overworked, and you have no one to report the dangerous work conditions to.  If I go to work sick, my manager may recommend that I go home early.  I had to borrow a sitter just to get time to recover from bronchitis and a sinus infection.  When I'm on break at work, I don't have to do crap.  Alas, when I heat up my lunch at home...the kids pop up like hungry ass apparitions that follow the scent of food.  No rest for the weary, and hungry.

As if the whole damn situation wasn't already convoluted, we then get into the grand debate of Working Moms vs. Stay at Home Moms.  If you punch a clock, you're missing out on your kids' lives.  If you stay at home, you aren't "doing anything".  When I mentioned how I missed so many things with Lex because of working, I was told "just quit your job!  Your kids are more important".  I was then told by another woman "stay at home moms set us back so many years...all they do is sit home with a kid on their breasts after women worked hard for equal rights".  All kinds of shade...from women about women.  Ain't that a bitch?

Moms seem to lose the right to be honest from the moment she announces her pregnancy.  I think you help people more when you are honest about things.  I remember talking to a young mom some years ago (like I'm old).  She was sitting outside on a bench with her newborn baby and both of them were crying.  I asked her what was wrong, and she hesitated to tell me.  Eventually, she poured her heart out.  She was stressed.  She was exhausted.  She said she loved her daughter to the ends of the Earth, but people gave her so much hell because she said she just needed one good night of sleep.  She was ashamed to admit to me that while she wanted her daughter, she just needed some rest...because she was read the riot act by other women.

I told her that she had every right in the world to say how she felt.  Being a new mom IS exhausting.  I told her to feel free to ask a trusted person to help you so you can rest.  It didn't make you weak, it made you strong because you reached out for help.  She then told me "my aunt said real moms don't ask for help".

Apparently, we get WAY more credit than we know.  Moms are so perfect that we aren't supposed to ever ask for help.  So what if we're tired, hungry, sick, frustrated or worse?  Moms don't ask for help.  I told that chick "honey, if YOU aren't healthy, how are you helping your daughter?  You aren't giving up custody, you're just trying to get a hot shower and some sleep.  And your daughter can sense if you're falling apart".

I don't know if she did what I suggested or not, but I couldn't help but to realize that people are crazy as hell.  Again, if you were at work and needed a hand lifting's ENCOURAGED to ask for a buddy.  When you're a mom, you're DISCOURAGED from asking for help?!  What in the hell?  Madness!!!

People love to say things like "why be a mom if you can't handle the job" because they often do so with a chip on their shoulders.  If you have motherhood down pat like a "G", share the tea on how you did it.  If you have no kids, that's cool and that's your right...but don't throw shade at a mom who is real about what she feels.  I love my kids to death, but it was so stressful to be recovering from my various ailments and surgeries and worried that my kids will get into something in the short time I close my eyes.  When I get those calls from daycare about what odd fluids are coming out of CJ's body, I just close my eyes and prepare to deduct a minimum of $25 from my budget for docs and meds.  I haven't been to a movie in months because we don't have sitter access, and my OCD about my smudged car windows has reached an all time high (down one whole bottle of Windex in two weeks).  Anytime you have to hide in the dadgummed bathroom to get some peace...yeah mane.

When I have a bad day at work and swear I'm going to crash early, I often find that I can't.  Lex always needed something signed or fixed and CJ rather leapfrog on my bed than anywhere else in my house.  I often look in the fridge for a snack and find my stuff gone due to a kid.  Yes, I get tired.  No, I don't give a damn what you think about it.  No, I'm not the only mom who has those feelings.  Just imagine how it is to be a mom of kids with special needs.  I pray for them daily because my lil' rants have NOTHING on what some of them have to deal with.

I guess the point of this blog littered with gifs from The Golden Girls is that there is nothing wrong with you if you are honest about the good, bad and ugly of being a mom.  You don't love your babies any less if you are agitated by them.  It isn't a crime to feel angry when your toddler decimates his room, nor are you unappreciative of your children if you want to shut the door to your bathroom and soak in a bubble bath for an hour.  As long as your frustration doesn't give away to abuse or neglect, you aren't a bad mom for having feelings contrary to the smiling pics on Parents Magazine.

I tip my hat to the supermoms out there who never feel like screaming and running away to the outhouse for a nice sip of moonshine.  There are some moms out there who really have nailed this and have the patience needed to deal with the ups and downs that come along with this job.  I have the UTMOST respect for them..because they do exist.  But if you are one who doesn't have those low moments, don't judge those who do.  Give them a hand, some encouragement, some hope.  Let them know that the frustration will pass and that they aren't alone.

Or you COULD save me a shot of rum.  Yes. Save me some rum.

Then I'll be fine.


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