Emotional Vampires, aka - Get Yoself AND Yo Life!

I learned a real lesson in the last few weeks.  I guess that's why people say that you never stop learning.  That's slick sexy when you think about it...then again, my sugar is mighty low.

I finally saw what happens when damaged people begin to leech onto you..sucking your energy and your love slowly but surely.  They feed off of you and then they toss your carcass right before you die because, well, you can't feed off of dead fokes...as I learned from Eric and nem.

I witnessed firsthand how it felt to have that happen to you.  I didn't even realize it until I was looking at my pale hands wondering where my blood and my soul went.  Fortunately, I managed to break camp before I was reduced to a pile o' Tam in the floor.

One thing about me, is that I go hard for my people, mainly because my good people go hard for me.  I value my friendships and a select few are as close as family.  I've always been this way.  It's just who I am.  The beautiful part of my friendships and circles is that none of them would ask anything of me that would place me in a bad position..because my friends and I have understandings.

In short, the title of "Friend" is an earned label.  "Fam", "Fokes", "My People"...those titles and terms are earned.  Only one person in my life got to that point quickly, and the Lord called her home in 2010.  Before her, the relationships I had were years in the making.  Alas, when I lost Jode, I ended up bonding with someone else not long after.  She earned that title very fast as well.  But in hindsight, I don't think I knew this soul like I thought I did.

UGH, hindsight...with its inability to be foresight and shit.

Emotional vampires make you think YOU'RE crazy as a bag full of cats.  They'll have you questioning your decisions and have you thinking that you aren't right.  That's what I saw this person do.  My "friend" drained the life out of me and I didn't realize it until one day when I found myself angry when I thought about her.  I was conned.  I was bamboozled...led astray..run amok..by someone who very well could be a pathological vampire.

How do I know that this person is such a vampire?  Well, one of the first clues is that I found myself hating people she hated..just because of the things she told me.  An adage that I often adhere to is that if I fired everyone based on what others tell me instead of what I witness or experience..I wouldn't have ANY friends (acquaintances, fam, etc.)  In other words, I give people a chance on my own merits.  Your enemies aren't automatically my enemies..that's elementary shit.  I have to make my own judgments.  Now, if someone beat your ass for no reason, I don't really think I'll talk to them or nothing...but minor infractions like "oh, I don't like him because he dated my cousin and dumped her in 1998" don't count.

Said emotional vampire would flood me with such negativity about people she didn't like, that I found myself really mad at people who did NOTHING to me.  Everyone on her bad side was forced to be on MY bad side.  These people did her super dirty..for no..reason..at..all.  I began finding myself seeing the people she was mad at and  giving COGIC Face Realness because they hurt my friend.  Text after text, call after call, a laundry list of what was wrong with these people.  Never once did I wonder why she was victimized by these people.  Bitch glamoured me.

I think a little of it was Tam being Tam.  I mean, I always give people the benefit of a doubt.  I'm usually the one trying to figure out WHY someone does what they do in determining my next move.  All while she is feeding me this soup about why she was always a victim, never once did I question her motives.  It wasn't until she got on her feet that I started to see this person's true colors.  Oh yeah, that's another lesson..if you want to see a person's true character, see how they are when things get better for them.  When sheet is bad, it's easy to be humble because you're in need...even if you WANT to be crabby, you still kinda tuck it in.  But when things start to get better, see if that personality is the same or not.  This person got on her feet and began dodging me.  This person totally flipped on me!

I was thinking "wait, when she was jobless, I got daily calls and texts.  When this person was SUPER LOW, I always heard from her!"  I began to wonder what I did wrong.  Did I offend her?  Did I go too far someway?  I texted and tried to make small talk and was completely ignored.    At the time of this blog, I have not heard anything from her, though I know she isn't in a bad way.  How does one flip so fast, I wondered.

Because she drained me..and there was no more use for me.

She got on her feet, drained me and moved on...most likely to another victim.  I'm certain that she will tell the new friend(s) about me and the people she had me hating.  I'm also sure that she will tell them things that will have them looking at me as if I was a bad person.  While I am by no means a flawless saint, I can look back and say that I didn't do anything so bad that two friends couldn't discuss them.  One aspect of a friendship is the ability to talk about the good, bad and ugly.  My friends, fokes and fam can joke with me, break bread with me and be honest with me.  If I'm wrong, they don't just go along with it because it's me.  They pull my coattail.  If I make a questionable move, they'll let me know..and I do the same for them.  So for this person to walk away and never look back, it's easy to see that I was very expendable in her world.

Emotional vampires like her will lie, manipulate, con or do whatever it takes to get the desired outcome he or she needs.  The thing is, their needs vary.  I know in my case, that this person's self esteem is very low, and her value is often based upon being "wanted".  As long as she's desired, she's good.  I told her once in a conversation that she was better than that.  I told her that I know from experience that you have to be confident in yourself enough that you could care less what dude wanted you..because you know that you're the prize.  She told me a lot of things in return, and I was accused of being judgmental.  I felt like such a bastard.  In hindsight, I wasn't a bastard.  I was supposed to go along with her dangerous actions like a "friend".  I wasn't supposed to tell her that she was playing Russian Roulette.  But what kind of friend would I be if I didn't reach out?

She was a lesson learned, honey.  I have never been so conned in my life.  When I think about her, I sometimes wonder what was true and what wasn't.  I wonder when she's going to understand what she did was foul or does she even register that you don't use people.  It's so wild to know that someone so young, with children who look up to her, could use people and cast them aside like it's nothing.

I'm not the first person who has been conned by someone...and as sure as I live in Memphis, I won't be the last.  I don't think I'm so smart and infallible that I can't be had by someone.  I think that people like said emotional vampire is why people often talk about having a small circle or not inviting many new people into their lives.  When you invest time and emotion into someone, and they think nothing of that when they abuse you, it's easy to harden your heart.  BUT being the Tam I am, my heart isn't turning to stone.  I just know now to be very cautious about anyone who fights hard to get close to you and force you to have the same exact feelings about people.  I mean, if I were to go ask any of those who she had me hating "what do you think about ___?" I may find out some things she never wanted me to find out about her.

It's all a part of life, you know.  Every day, you live and you learn.  If anything, I appreciate my people more now than ever.  I'm sure that she'll pop up one day and act as if nothing happened.  I won't be mean, but I will never trust her again.

Bite me once, vampire.  Just once.


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