Parent Shaming/Bashing, You're Doing it Wrong...

I really tried to hold on to my belief of not bashing parents on Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day.  I jokingly save my roasts until the Monday after, out of respect for the real parents who do what is expected.  I have said that I would break the cycle of spending special days talking about the fools we all know of.  Ask anyone you know, and they'll tell you about a mom or dad who didn't do their jobs correctly.  Hell, search any news site and you will find examples of piss poor parenting.  We have always had examples of what is wrong with fulfilling your God given role, and, unfortunately, we will continue to have them as long as humans decide that their needs far surpass the needs of their children.

The reason I'm typing furiously and full of rage is because today reminds me why I don't like reading too many posts on either holiday.  When an FB friend made a post about being tired of the dad bashing, one of the replies mentioned a woman justifying her "loose vagina".  To say I was pissed was an understatement.  I will say that I maintained my rule about not tooting up under others' posts, albeit barely.  It took everything in me not to ask that person "how DOES a vagina get loose?  Doesn't it need a penis to help that?  It's okay to label HER but not throw shade at him for taking a hold of pussy because it's laying there?  Oh, I guess it's okay for said dude to hit because she's loose and not use protection to prevent pregnancy.  After all, it's HER fault that she ended up a single mom because dude hit it raw then left?  Even if she said he could stand up in it without a condom, it's okay to blast her instead of asking dude what the HELL was he thinking?  Oh yeah...they think with their dicks and it's just accepted.  Gotcha".

I didn't do it.  I just snatched my laptop and came to this here blog o' mine.  The place where I can raise a shitload o' hell in my own house.  I mean, going to your house and pulling a honey badger is frowned upon, especially in Mississippi.

Since it's my house, I'm going to bullet this junt because my thoughts are all over the place.

*Let me begin my rant by saying that only a handful of posts go in about the fuckery of sorry moms.  As a believer in equality, I don't think we have the right to give excuses to bad mothering and bash bad fathering.  Granted, we can find more stories about Daddy Issues than bad mamas, but we must own that neither gender is immune to being a shitty parent.  I will also say that the courts around these parts tend to let these shitty moms not pay child support..while the struggling dads end up in arrears.

*While people are entitled to their opinions, it saddens me just how many women go along with the single mother bashing.  They don't just attack the fact that she was a mom out of wedlock, they attack her for being "stupid".  When a woman has several kids by more than one man, they call her names.  She has a "loose vagina".  She "hasn't learned how to use birth control".  They don't restrict the bashing to regular fokes.  Kate Winslet has had an article written about her, asking why her love life is a mess because she has three kids by three dads.  To hell with the fact she actually married the children's dads (she got married whilst pregnant to her 2nd child's father, but you feel me).  Quite naturally, she has to be the problem.  She's stupid.  She's crazy.  Women fold their arms, smack their teeth and shake their heads...calling her hoes and "stupid".  I've seen women label a woman "dumb bitch" because dude didn't stick around.  She MUST be dumb because she should have known dude wasn't shit.  "She knew when she met him he wasn't shit.  She tried to trap that mane".  Which brings me to the next thought.

*It is so much fun to tell a woman that she should have kept her legs closed, but how many of these single mom-bashers turn around and tell the wayward dad that he should have kept his dick in his pants?  You tell a consenting woman that she should not even have had sex but you won't tell that dude the same thing?  That double standard never leaves, does it?  A "whorish" man can marry a relatively chaste woman without issue, but when a "whorish" woman even DATES a relatively chaste man...the groans start.  I'm sure that men will love to discuss how that's just fine, but since this is my little blog, I'll be the first to say that's bullshit.  As a woman, I will say that it is my responsibility to take care of my body.  It's my job to secure birth control and keep this sexy ass temple in line.  Alas, it isn't 100% and sheet happens.  It's just funny how we never really hear "forcibly sterilize" being thrown in the direction of men with too many kids.  Hell, even Michelle Duggar has people talking about how she needs to stop "breeding" and she's a married damn woman.  Always the woman's fault, hmm?

*I'm sure that people are really sick of the bitter woman posts.  I admit I hate seeing them too.  But if a person is hurt, angry or pissed, why do we attack them by telling them it's their fault?  Granted, we all know of a woman who operated under the assumption of a baby being the "savior" of a dying relationship (or even being what would turn a fling into a relationship).  It isn't wise, but we can never say how we would feel if we were in that situation.  I'm sure someone will say "well, I wouldn't have unprotected sex with someone I'm in a dying relationship with" **grammar has been murked on purpose**.  Arrogance speaks volumes...because there are people in dying marriages with newborn babies (after all, you're better than her because you have a husband.  Out of wedlock does NOT always mean unhappiness).  Thing is, the spouse may not know this for certain quite yet.  So if one person is sad/bitter/angry/hurt, we're supposed to shut them up?  Let them rant, shit.  I'm sure someone could rant about you, too.

*How can a man be trapped if he's being responsible sexually?  I know women will poke holes in condoms and lie about being on the pill...but why not take steps to make sure no woman can bring that ass to Maury Povich?  Yes, we as women should take care of our reproductive health, but men should as well.  In the age if "oh shit, I'm burning" and HIV/AIDS, ALL sexually active souls should be protected.  There are even articles in which men ask for the ability to not be forced into fatherhood.  Easy solution...wrap it up, B.

***takes a long tea break***

Aight, where was I?

*Let's get back into this "she should have known he wasn't shit" concept.  I have been one to say this too...so I'm stepping on my own toes here.  I guess it goes to show how we've all blamed/shamed in some capacity or another.  If you haven't, then I tip my hat, son.  We are ALL on the outside looking in on relationships.  Even if that was your best good friend involved in the drama, you still don't know everything going on.  Right now, there are Facebook statuses and pics posted of "happy" couples who are an argument away from Jail East or divorce court.  This means that in most cases, you're only hearing half of all stories.  Think about the cheating wives/husbands who tell their dude/broad on the side that their spouse doesn't understand them or doesn't try hard enough.  Now apply that to the men who say the baby mama is just mad he moved on or the chicks who say that dude isn't trying to do right.  You don't know.  So don't join in on the mudslinging...because you may not know that the angry baby mama could have a legit reason for her fussing (new girlfriend is getting all the funds that should be going towards helping with daycare) or that dude really IS trying (but the new dude has Alpha Male issues and wants the biological out of the way).  You DO know that stuff happens.

I could go on and on about how tiring it is when I see fokes being judged about their decisions.  I know it's common to blame moms when they go in about them being the mom AND dad.  The web posts pics blasting them for saying this.  The debate goes on about how a woman cannot teach a man to be a man and how she should thank the male role models.  Alas, in this mess, I never hear someone say "a man can't teach a girl how to be a woman" but some dads raised some outstanding young women ON THEIR OWN.  Do we tell dude to thank the woman who helped out, even though there are situations in which he had no other woman help?  We don't.  It could be due to the fact that we have more stories about single moms.  I'm sure there are so many hypotheses about why this is the case, but casting a negative light on a woman does not change her situation.  While you're looking at her, talk to your boy about why he didn't do better.

I got a message about being pissed about my oldest daughter's dad screwing up my bank account with his bad child support checks.  I was told that I was better than that and that I should not be "like that".

Tell you what...email him and ask him why he didn't think enough of his daughter than to give me a non-rubberized check.  And just before you call me bitter and tell me it's MY fault, think of it this way...I haven't taken him to court because I am trying to keep this matter peaceful.  I wanted to keep a positive parenting relationship.  I guess my relationship with Suntrust is strained in the process.

~Fin

p.s. - I know I'm partial.  I can't lie.  But at least I am honest about my feelings as I was a single mom myself.  I have my fair share of stories about the things that her dad dropped the ball on.  In spite of this, I don't roast him publicly like I really want.  I've been so angry that I wanted to go Full Ratchet instead of Quarter Ratchet.  My closest circle knows what has gone on, but we don't know why he flakes out on his part of the deal.  The reason why I am passionate about this subject is because I lived it.  I was blessed to have an awesome support system throughout my daughter's life, which meant that when he didn't do right, my child didn't suffer.  I don't spend nights dwelling on his fails, instead choosing to focus on the fact that God always makes sure this girl is in great shape.  Some people don't have that type of support, which is why I will never tell them how to feel.  I was once told that I was "a good baby mama" because I don't keep up drama and clown him.  Honestly, I want to do it...every single damn time he screws up.  I just don't because it isn't in my nature.  But when you are a parent, you get a rage in your chest when someone doesn't do right by your child.  You fight for your child because you love your child.  Is that such a crime?  Is it so wrong to be passionate about your gift?  I guess so...especially if you were "stupid".

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