Existing While Fat, aka - YES, WE KNOW!

I'm going to say that this is one of those blogs in which I prolly border on vulnerable and angry as hell.  MAYBE it has to do with me being a Gemini.  Could be that I'm going crazy as a bag full of cats.  This is why I blog...because I needs to talk and fokes be all busy doing adult stuff like..mopping.

Being fat in a society in which bullying is condoned makes life very difficult.  It takes a certain degree of confidence to simply function because people really think that it's perfectly excuseable to treat you differently because you aren't of average weight..or the weight THEY think you need to be.  I know so many people saw that and started into their "boo hoo, cry me a fatass river.  Fatty is sad because people think she needs to be smaller".  Yes, people really do treat you that way.  When people who are overweight demand to be respected and treated like a human REGARDLESS of their current size, there are always people who simply say "no".

"No", they say. "You need to lose weight and stop being a burden on society".

"You should be happy that someone cares enough for you to tell you that you need to lose weight".

"Why not lose the weight so you won't die in five years of something completely avoidable?"

"If you truly loved yourself, you'd just stop stuffing your face and go work out"

I didn't make those up. Comb any comment board of an article with a fat person mentioned and see what you get.  I usually charge those types of comments to Internet Thuggery, but then I remember the things I've heard over the years.

I've been fat 23 out of 30 years of my life.  I can tell you that I've been bullied for the entire 23 years.  What amazes me is how quite a few of those comments were "concern" and how NONE OF THEM were called for.  Nobody deserves to be subjected to verbal abuse and bullying because they're fat.  Well guess what, it has happened to me.  Here are some times in which I was bullied for my weight:

*When walking
*When sitting
*When playing sports
*When I won in a sport
*When I rejected the advances of some dude who said I was "sexy"
*When I was getting in my car
*When I was getting out of my car
*When I was eating junk
*When I was eating healthy
*When pregnant
*When riding a scooter with a cast on my foot
*When walking with a cast on my foot
*When reading
*When typing
*When dancing
*When singing
*When I was dressed up
*When I was casual
*When hanging with smaller people
*When hanging with other big people
*When I was in front of my kids
*When I was alone
*When I got the highest grade in class
*When I was being nice
*When I was being mean
*When I told a funny joke
*When I was coughing
*When I was laughing
*When I was crying

Need I continue?

I love when I get those unsolicited comments from strangers who think they've figured out when the Lord is going to call me home.  I was hit on by a personal trainer before I had Lex.  He was just complimenting my hair and nails, talking about how beautiful I was.  Being the slightly cocky jackass that I can be, I was soaking that shit up.  Then he tells me "I'd love to go out with you one day.  I'd have a blast working out with you".  When I did my usual look in situations like that one...

..he explained that he felt I was "too beautiful to risk dying young from my weight". 

One would say that maybe he was just a jerk.  Another person would say that I should have been flattered.  I say that I wasn't going to be his mascot for his burgeoning business under the guise of "liking me". 

Allow me to share a story with thine, if you will:

I went to my former favoritest doctor in the whole wide world, Dr. Karen Purdy about 6 years ago.  (She has since retired, and I found a new favoritest doctor in Dr. Richard Jordan.)  ANYHOO, I went to see her one day and all but cried in the floor.  I told her I was tired of being fat and I wanted to lose weight.  She looked at me with her concerned look and put her folder down and sat near me.  I was blubbering and telling her that I was so sick of being fat and I was miserable.  I begged her to help me.

She said "so, tell me why you're tired of being fat".

"I'm sick of all the damn bullying.  I can't stand being teased and people thinking they know me just because of my size!  Dr. Purdy, people talk about me at work, and every time I go somewhere it's always some sumbitch talking down to me.  I hate being mistreated and I'm sick of all these wayward ass dieting tips from strangers!  I can't do anything without someone saying something!"

As she passes me another tissue, she says "you're not ready yet".

Naturally, I give her the Trinity of Blinks.


"Because you're sick of people being jerks.  You can't change other people's personalities.  The only thing you can control is yourself.  Now, I'm in your corner 100%, but know that even if we worked together and you lost 100 pounds, someone will do the very same things you just told me.  When you're ready to lose weight, you'll know.  But don't do this for other people.  Do it for Tamara".

It took six years, but I'm finally doing it for Tamara.  And she was right.  As indicated by how people have really stepped up bullying and all the Vague Future Health Threats*, I would've still been feeling inadequate and not small enough.

*Vague Future Health Threat - When a person looks at you and figures out by that one look that you're going to be stricken with or die from an illness.  And that person is most likely not your doctor.

These days, people really seem to have it in for fat people in such a way that is best described as rabid.  Yeah, we are a little more accepting in that we now have plus sized models, more companies catering to the big girls and yeah, we even have shows in which big girls are the stars.  However, we still find ourselves being treated like we ain't shit all because we are not slim. 

I'm sure that people will ask "how are you getting mad at people for being mean to fat people and YOU'RE trying to lose weight?"

It further adds to the many pressures that a fat person experiences.  When we're fat and proud, we're told to lose weight.  When we're fat and unhappy, we're told to lose weight.  When we're fat and single, we're told to lose to lose weight.  When we're fat and married, we're told to lose weight.  When we lose weight, we're told we aren't small enough or it "took long enough".  When we announce our decision to lose weight, then someone tells us...we're fine the way we are and shouldn't cave in to societal pressure.

Bloody hell, mane!

Yeap. Never are we allowed to forget our size.  Hell, just being fat and alive in America gets you a reminder of your size.  When I went to Vegas in 2010, I had to make that ass fit in a seat.  It did and did so without an extender, but I had some fokes looking at me like they just knew it wouldn't work.  All the aforementioned situations in which I was bullied are ways that I'm reminded of my size.

When that reporter read that "Concern Troll" about her weight, it reminded me a lot about what we deal with every damn day.  While so many people gave her that "you go girl", many more actually agreed with the guy and went so far as to say that it's not bullying if it's true!

IT IS STILL BULLYING.  When you decide to make an unsolicited comment about a person for no reason other than getting some shit off of your chest...and it is of no benefit whatsoever to the person you're saying the shit to...then it is bullying.  I've had to delete a many fokes on FB about that type of shit and I'll do it again. 

When I told someone that I deleted a person on FB for always making comments and jokes about fat people, a person said "I wouldn't have done that.  He never called YOU fat".  I said "just because I haven't seen or heard it, it doesn't mean it hasn't been done".

Even as my own weight drops more and more each week, I'm never going to change my perspective.  As this journey sends me to what may very well be my lowest adult weight ever, I will never forget the 20+ years I was subjected to abuse.  You never forget being told derogatory things about yourself by people all because of what you weigh.  Hell, should I end up being able to wear "straight sizes" (non-plus sizes), I will never forget being told by a bitch that "there's no way real Old Navy shirts come in your size". 

I hate people some days.  But I remember that simply being a fat American is a daily An-thro-po-logical experiment.  You see who can't get beyond your weight and you see who truly likes/loves you for yourself.  I know people aren't blind but gotdamn, I know I'm fat.  The average big person is fully aware of their size.  We don't need your concern trolling, bullying, false care or dangerous diet tips.

Besides, I damn near eat better and exercise more than some not-fat people.

Try being nice and respectful to all.

p.s. - I know that Existing While Skinny, Vegan, Natural, etc. happens too.  I say you can insert almost any descriptor in this blog and the view is the same.  Love yourself and respect others.  Quit being bullies.


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