An Open Letter to Evelyn...

Dear Evelyn:

Let me first begin by saying that I do not know you. 

I have heard of you.  I have seen you. 

But I don't KNOW you. 

As a matter of fact, only a chosen few really know you.  Family, longtime friends, business associates, etc...but one thing is certain...I don't know you.

My exposure to you came by way of months of "Basketball Wives" tweets from my rabid reality TV loving friends.  I'm operating on the edited clips, gossip blogs, highlight reels and running commentaries of you, just as millions of others have done.

What I can tell is that you are indeed a very beautiful woman.  There's no denying that you are statuesque and have the looks needed to command the viewers.  You are what the Vh1 bigwigs love.  You're good looking.  You're memorable.  You're damaged.

Damaged.  In FedEx terms...Stat 37.

Upon a quick search of your name, excluding the events of the last 72 hours, you come up to a fight with one of your "Basketball Wives" costars.  Whether it was a knockdown, drag out battle or a slight tussle, it's a confrontation of negativity.  Only those in the room with you know what happened in that situation.  I don't.

It is a shame that I found out more about your alleged character flaws than what you really have to offer.  I don't know what your occupation was prior to this show.  I do know that for you to have been on "Basketball Wives", you had to have either been the wife or damn near wife of an NBA baller.  I can't really say I have enough knowledge of you to find just what greatness lies within you...greatness that's obscured by drama.

The most disturbing thing about you Evelyn, is that the antics you've put on for the audience have vilified you so much that very few women I know actually feel bad for you in your current saga.  Even as you were allegedly headbutted by Ocho, people are aggressively and seriously victim blaming in this matter.

(In all fairness, I have to say allegedly because I wasn't there when the situation occurred).

It is disheartening to hear, read and see so many people blame you for what happened to you.  Women saying to each other online that you deserved whatever happened to you.  Not women who LOVE Ocho, but women who dislike you so strongly that they really think you provoked said headbutt.  There was a relatively sympathetic blogger who spoke against the lack of empathy towards you.  That blogger got roasted royally because she was in your corner as a woman.

Think this out...a woman stood up for you and SHE got roasted.

I can't say if that would bother you.  I can say that it would bother me.  If I was hit by a man and the majority sided with the attacker...it would be a very crushing blow.

Granted, we don't live our lives solely to please others.  I'm certain that in the reality TV game, you make enemies.  It's that thing where you rather be hated than ignored, I guess.  I'm not famous worth a damn, but I am pretty liked by a handful of people...so I can't really say I truly understand.  But the events of the last few days involving Ocho really should get your attention.  Here's what I think you should ponder upon:

*What about my character makes people find humor in my pain?

People are always going to talk and joke.  Even in the infamous Chris Brown/Rihanna saga, people had their share of jokes about Rihanna.  However, there was a very serious backlash towards Chris that he's still fighting to overcome.  Hit records, awards and immense talent be damned...in the eyes of many, he is still that boy that hit his girlfriend.  Yeah, he did his time.  He paid his price.  But he's still a bad guy to a great number of people.

With regards to Ocho, even those who side with you and say that he was completely out of line for harming you are sad for his situation.  This morning on the Tom Joyner Morning Show, Kevin Frazier said that "this isn't the Ocho I know".  People are in shock that this happened at the hands of Chad.

*What kind of person am I projecting myself to be?

It's a similar question than above, I know.  But ask yourself this again..."what kind of person am I projecting myself to be?"  In just a few quick searches, I wasn't able to find anything about you aside from your fight on BBW and what just recently occurred that screamed "positive".  I'm not saying you haven't done anything positive...I'm just saying that your negative antics really overshadow whatever potential you have.

If you put out the vibe of being a fighter, nobody's going to blink twice when you end up hit.  Is it right? Hell no.  Is it fair? Not hardly.  Nobody to my knowledge has squared up on Laila Ali...but she doesn't go around throwing her weight and threatening people.  She doesn't project to regular people on the street that she'd beat the brakes off of them.

*Am I really willing to assess and improve my life?

You may not think there's anything wrong with your life aside from the recent personal crises.  I can't even say if there's anything wrong with your life.  But again I can't stress enough that you have to really take inventory of the events of the last several years.  Review your friendships, your relationship, your brand, your family...everything.  I know even the most ideal women have faced domestic abuse, so I wouldn't sit there and tell you "figure out what you did to get your ass hit".  I'm saying that you have to acknowledge something is broken.  Something in life is incredibly broken for you to tell your future husband that you pretty much think cheating is cool if you don't know.  What about you as a beautiful woman with the ability to captivate people's attention would tell the man you're entering into a commitment before God...that you are cool with that?

Evelyn...I could go on for a long time about what I think you should do based on these snippets of you that I gather.  I don't know what happened with you and your husband.  I don't know what made you decide to file for divorce so soon.  I'm not in your head nor am I able to see what's in your heart.  But I ask that you be aware that there's something within that needs fixing.  I'm speaking from experience.  When I took a look inside of myself, I saw damage.  I fixed the damage.  I'm yet FIXING the pieces of me that were broken.  I had to make myself stronger and better because I knew that I had a little girl looking at everything I said and did.  I wanted to be a whole woman so I could begat a whole woman.  I want my son to see a whole woman so that he will one day have a future with a whole woman.

It's a hell of a responsibility, I know.  But we have to own ourselves and make ourselves better.  We can't hide behind money, material things, fame and deny ourselves the right to a peaceful life.  Peace comes from within, and it can't be snatched by anyone else.

In short, heal inside and out.  Learn from this drama and try to make your life better.  You'll lose some friends in the process, but in some cases...that's a blessing in itself.

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