T.E.N. Editorial Pages, aka-Sorry for What?

First of all, that may NOT be catfish for sale for $3.49 at the Farmer's Market on Kirby Parkway & Winchester.

It's good as hell, but it may not be catfish.

If you know what it is then let me know...I mean, at least put a label on that for the kid.

ANYHOO!

Here's a quick mental pimp slap for the masses. As the title implies, this has to do with apologies. Chicago & Az Yet said it's hard to say "I'm Sorry", but it really isn't. As a matter of fact, it's SO easy that people have taken power from the phrase. Remember when we were coming up, we were taught to apologize for what we did wrong? Like, if we sprung on someone, and got in trouble, we were often made to say "I'm sorry". Even those of us with offspring have made our own apologize for disrespecting someone. In short, that phrase is used about as often as "thank you" and "go to hell".

So, with that being said, it has lost its power. Now, we say we're sorry for everything. We're sorry about your loss and we're sorry that you got dumped. We're sorry we forgot to pick you up from outside the Hub and we're sorry we called you a punkass for letting somone run over you. We're sorry we stole from you and we're sorry we cheated on you.

It's starting to sound a little less apologetic ain't it?

Now, in many cases, saying you're sorry is justifiable. If you're trying to squeeze out a pew and step on someone's foot, you'll either say "excuse me" or "I'm sorry". When genuinely expressed as regret, saying "I'm sorry" can be a bandaid on a wound. I emphasize that it's a bandaid because the pain does not disappear as soon as the period or exclamation point is placed behind the "y". If you did not mean to cause pain, that apology begins the healing process. It is step one in progression. If I cause a loved one accidental emotional or mental pain, saying "I'm sorry" is the start of fixing my mistake.

However, so many people think that saying "I'm sorry" is the solution.

You ever heard someone say "I told her I was sorry. DAMN, what ELSE does she want me to do"?

Think aboot it.

*waits*

This is a FIE brownie, by the way.

*comes back to the flock*

When you hear comments like the aforementioned one, you find out quite quickly that people think that apologies fix all the ills and errors of the past. Saying "I'm sorry" is not a magic wand that removes the tear tracks, cleans the blood, nullifies the police reports, changes perspectives, cures the STD, rebuilds the family, heals that daughter's view of her father or prevents that young boy for seeking the love of another "trusted male role model". If it was, then I'm sure that nobody would be in jail. There would be no children of divorce and there would be no scars.

Saying "I'm sorry" has no merit as a standalone phrase. It has to be followed by action. If a man apologizes for cheating on his girlfriend, then moves on without changing or trying to restore her faith, then his apology is hollow. He has to be prepared for her questions about his whereabouts. He has to cut off communication with the other woman (or man...shhhhh). He has to go to counseling or whatever she asks of him to show his true regret. Otherwise, the apology is not for her pain and his wrongdoing..

..it's for being caught..

I know this may also come off as meanspirited, but apologizing for what you really meant is also hollow. If you tell a loved one that she is neglecting her family to run up behind a damn fool who doesn't respect her, it's likely that you meant every word of that sentence. So when she cries or gets angry, why apologize? Why say you didn't mean it? You meant every consonant and vowel of that sentence. What you ARE sorry about is the delivery. You meant that she isn't focusing on what's important in her life and is chasing after something that is secondary. Whether she accepts is of no concern. You meant what you said and you meant it out of love. I have had my fair share of roasts in life by those who care. In hindsight, I remember hanging up on a MANY people because of what was said. I do admit that I am sorry for doing that. Not sorry for my reaction, but my lack of respect for their concern. I'm not an orphan, and I have a large family (blood and by love) who cares for me. That means that I'm going to hear things that I don't always like, but it's meant out of love.

In closing fokes, fam & PHAm, "I'm sorry" has to regain some power. Don't use it to get out of sticky situations and don't think it's going to solve everything in one day. "I'm sorry" is the beginning of recovery and not a solution to your inability to sleep at night.

I mean damn, it gets abused as much as "I love you".

And on THAT note...

...thoughts???

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