A Brief T.E.N. Infomercial, aka-Facebook and You

Unfortunately, the fokes who need to learn from this note won't see it. They've most likely deleted their pages. Then again, this is a general reminder of how the truth is the best thing, but nobody wants to hear it. It's nothing new to those with common sense, but every now and then, there is a need for a refresher course.

***Facebook Statuses***

Nobody gives two shits about your problems with another woman. I don't mean those legitimate statuses where we talk about our friends or joke about something we saw. I mean those statuses along the lines of "I TOLD THAT BITCH SHEEN FUKKIN WIT NO ROOKIE" and "IF YOU THINK YOU GETTIN MY MAN YOU BETTER REKKANIZE".

Most likely, she has already succeeded in her endeavor.

I don't really think the sensible Facebook crowd cares. Besides, that ain't sexy after age 19. By age 20, you should already recognize if another woman is with "your man" and fire them both accordingly. After all, you would be mature enough to understand that you don't fight the other woman, you wish them both off to the cornfield. You DO know that right?

***The Middle Names***

No disrespect to my Facebook fam, but er ah, what's the deal with squeezing a paragraph into a middle name. Congratulations on being highly successful in life, but you don't really have to be "SupaDupaSuccessful" do you? Just do like I do, create a codename and bother people with it.

***The Wall***

This isn't the game from American Gladiators. Not being able to comment on a friend's wall is nothing to call and raise $19,291 worth of hell. Some people really don't want to have their walls flooded with stupidity. I'm not talking about the occasional heckle, I mean the drinks, the game invites, and all the promotions...which brings up..

***The Events***

I know your job is promoting parties, but it looks like after I decline your 281st party invite, you would notice I don't ever come. I don't want to swill drinks in New Orleans, nor do I want to roll on the river in the hawk of Chi-Town. Dammit, I live in Memphis! My PAGE says I live in Memphis. I don't quite have it where I can stage a coup and go to your party in Texas and be back at work Friday. If you want to help me out, like a few friends have before, invite me to some job fairs and such. Invite me to yo' shower and to a few other things, but make sure I live in a certain radius, please.

***The Relationship Status***

We all kinda know that we find ourselves giddy to see our female friends change their statuses to "Married". I have done my fair share of "aww, look at my thweet babies" under updates. I'll admit, it doesn't really feel official until that status changes on here. When people change their status to "Single", the cell phone towers are abuzz. However, not seeing a status listed at all just means that people want to keep their relationship status private. That does still happen, you know. Try not to get all serious and think he's hiding a girlfriend. That might lead to..

***The Deletion***

I have a few friends who went AWOL on here for legitimate reasons. Some were job hunting aggressively and didn't want things to come up on here. There were a few who were just over the whole concept of Facebook. Then there's the damn fools who delete their pages every time they get into some shiggity. You all know at least three fokes. They claim "Facebook is full of fokes playing on my page and I'm too old for that nonsense". SOOO, you're unable to remove fools from your friends list and make your page private? You failed to take advantage of Facebook's countless Privacy Features to ensure that you don't have drama on your page? No...you're running. You are therefore, a punk. You don't want to be "found out". For goodness sakes, if you are soooo drama free, why does it keep landing on your Facebook page?

Today's infomercial was brought to you today by the letter P and the number 8.


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