The Fat Chick's Thoughts...

As you can see by the title, I am a Fat Chick.

Lately, the web connected me with other fat chicks who are unapologetically so.  Tumblr really brought many of them to my attention, and they added a fuel to what had been a spark.  I saw big girls who didn't give a rat's ass about what you thought of them.  They didn't hesitate to wear what they desired and they were a force to be reckoned with.  They scream "Fuck Flattering" and reject the girdles and they don't mind posing in their natural splendor, rolls and all.  I can't deny that I admire them all.  I love reading the blogs and posts about how they are proud to be who and how they are and how others need to back down.

I really cosign to a lot of their perspectives as a fat chick...mainly because my physical size should not be a gauge to determine how well or poorly you treat me.  These beautiful women didn't ask for respect, they took it.  Like I take the last sample of sexy chicken at Sam's.  Picture after picture confirmed their boldness and pride, as they didn't hide themselves or crop the "unflattering" parts of their pictures.  I loved it, and will never get tired of the pride.  After all, why should a body size play a role in your treatment in society?  Are we as fat chicks not human?  Shiiid, I'm human as hell.  I'm flesh and blood.

A damn large mound of flesh, but it's flesh doe.

In the midst of the joy that came from reading the energetic posts from wonderful fat women, I got reminders of just how a fat chick is treated in this damn county.  I read the "Thinspo" (not "Fitspo") posts about how being obese lowers your potential for gainful employment and how being overweight affects your social standing.  It angered me, yet it sobered me.  I put down my fatass fist and leaned on it in deep thought.  People really don't like to hire obese people.  Fat people are teased and heckled.  My experiences in being bullied reminded me of how many people commented about what I ate, even though it wasn't a mountain of food.  I hid myself under baggy clothes because I didn't want to be teased even worse.  People looked at my body and assumed they knew the cause of my fatness...and made it known what I needed to change.  I always had a "pretty face", "beautiful hair", "cute dimples" but never much more.  Some dudes felt the need to tell me that a few "situps" would make me awesome.

Damn.  Thought I was already awesome, sun?

Even as my self esteem flourished, the comments didn't cease.  I learned how to ignore the festering dumbassery.  I didn't care what anyone thought because I knew that "fat" was only a descriptor.  I was smart, funny, talented, witty, and could sight read the sheet out of sheet.

***purposely said that***

I felt that people who couldn't get past my size didn't deserve me and I shole in de hell didn't deserve them.  I was too many other things to be made fun of because of my size.  During a stroll in my JSU days in the Great State of Mississippi, some guys hollered out the window "BIG BELLY" and I waved back with a legitimate smile!  Hell, I knew I was fat already. THEY were the ones who just found out!  It really didn't bother me...and that was a great feeling of power.  You couldn't break me because I wasn't going to let you.  I simply wasn't giving you the ability to alter my emotions.

I can see why people say power can corrupt minds.  My powerful ass didn't see how society was towards fat people because I was busy not giving a damn.  I never had a reason to give a damn.  It wasn't until recently that I realized how a fat body is constantly ridiculed.  When Adele told people she wasn't selling tits and ass and wasn't concerned about being "stick thin", people gasped and discussed how she should lose weight.  When she trimmed down post-throat surgery, the same people gasped and discussed how she lost weight.  And when subsequent reports emerged about her decision to get active and change her eating habits..guess what happened?

People gasped and discussed how she's trying to lose MORE weight.

And Adele isn't alone...there's Crystal Renn, Jennifer Hudson, Mo'nique and all the other big girls who said "I love me and I'm just fine".  They made sure you saw them and they were beautiful without one damn given.  But then when they shrunk, the public went on the attack.  "I thought they were confident" and "see, now she looks good".  It's sad as hell because it seemed that whether fat or slimmed down, society never allows you to forget what you once were.  A fat chick.

I've felt that society doesn't like you to be fat and happy.  You have to be penalized for not fitting the mold that society cut out for you.  That skinny ass mold that is used to remind you that you are wrong for being confident and proud of who you are...that thin chalkline that they trace around you to show what all you don't need.  Celebrities battle it daily.  Christina Aguilera's thighs, Britney's stomach, Kim's butt, Jessica's pregnant body...everything's watched and judged frequently.  Pierce Brosnan's beautiful wife got front page of a few magazines when she flaunted her gorgeous curves in a bikini.  "How dare she?"  "Maybe she should pass the plate a few times".  I think it bothered people that she wasn't hiding herself.  You know..us fat chicks can't be too visible.  Might scare the little fokes.

What am I lamenting?  The fact that when an unapologetic fat chick makes changes to lose weight, her confidence, self esteem and pride are attacked.  "Mo'nique did all that talking about repping big girls and lost weight" so the naysayers naysayed.  I admit that I had my fair share of "WHY Jennifer" moments because I saw a beautiful woman who likely shopped at Lane Bryant like me, and I watched as "society finally got to her".  I got mad because I felt a little betrayed by my big girls.  I thought they were lying to me.  I used to see Crystal when I went to redeem my Real Women Dollars and I was saving to get a bra like Jill designed. 

Alas, society had gotten to me too.  Who the hell did they have to answer to?  Jill, Jennifer, Janet, Mo'nique, Aretha, Crystal, Adele, Carnie...none of them owed us an explanation as to why they decided to lose weight.  I don't think I realized that as much as I opened my mind to the fact that society ain't shit, I had actually found myself doing the very thing society did. 

I had to think long and hard about a lot of things.  I reflected on those unapologetic big girls and how I felt about myself.  I thought about how many times I got teased at gyms over the last 8-9 years.  I realized that as much as I took personal pride in not giving a damn, I had fallen prey to the pressure.  My "Ah-Ha" Moment flowed forth like hot sauce on catfish:

This is my body and I don't owe another motherfucker an apology about how I govern it.

I meant to cuss.

I don't have to explain to anyone why I'm fat. I don't have to elaborate on my eating habits to anyone but my doctor. If I decide to drink a lot of water, I don't have to defend whether or not I'm diabetic.  If I can only handle 15 minutes on the bike, I don't have to sulk off in case you think I should have done more.  I like leggings and dammit, I'm going to wear them.  When I lose more weight, you don't have tell you why.  My confidence is based on the fact that I'm more than what number comes before the "X" in my shirt.  When I reveal my goal size, you don't have the right to tell me to aim lower.  Don't tell me what fat chicks aren't supposed to do because I'm going to do it if I want.

It's funny how even the most confident have moments of wavering.  I'm sure some people will question my views on this, but it comes with the territory.  A fat body is not for public dissection.  It's unfair, it's rude and it's body policing.  I'm the one who decides what I want to do to this sexy ass body.  So when I exercise it, add another tattoo to it, decorate it and move it...you should get the hell out of the way.

You don't want to catch any of my Fatass Sexy Germs.

Comments

A Very Prplgrl said…
Here here girl!!! Soaking true right thur!!!

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