A Blog That I Can't Get Right

You know how some people say that they just can't put their thoughts into words?

Can't quite put their finger on it?

Feeling speechless?

This is what's goings on in this blog.

Just a few days ago, I had something to happen to me that I never expected. I can't get into it because it's still a fresh wound, but there was a common thread in this ordeal. Chris.

I had the backup of good damn friends, aka-The Wolfpack, and I am SO thankful for that. But when the Wolfpack went home, Chris was still there with me.

Last night, I got yet another realization about Chris, and that was that I love him in a way I can't describe. Being in love with him and loving him a lot is the biggest understatement in the world. I mean, how can you love someone so damn much that you can't even sleep right when they're not there? You think about them so much, and you count down the hours until you're off of work and he's done playing Madden!

I love him so much that slowly, more of the sentences I say to him have "nobody else has ever" in them. Why? Because I'm allowing more of myself to be revealed to him. Slowly, the fear is leaving and the trust is building. I mean, if I fell, I know in my heart that he would catch me everytime. At my weakest moment, he put aside all other things and was 100% in tune to what I needed from him.

I have written my feelings about him before, and meant every word. However, there is more certainty in my heart for him. The other night, he told me that this was "real love". I guess I've never had a chance to experience it. It's the most unselfish, unwavering and confident love in the universe. It makes you feel beautiful when you are beat down. It gives you the strength to get up when the pain is too much to handle. Hell, it makes you optimistic in spite of the tears.

It makes a hardened, angry, untrusting, tomboy feel like the luckiest, most beautiful woman in the world.


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