Trimming the Fat...
The hardest lesson for me is trust.
The feelgood, naïve Tam wants everyone to be her friend. She IS everyone's friend. She'll do whatever she can to help. She donates to all the campaigns..and she signal boosts when she's broke. She compliments and encourages. She gives and gives..just as she would want others to do for her.
However, as she has recently learned, that courtesy is not returned.
I'm not trying to sit here and convince you that I'm this perfect ass human being who has never done a fucked up thing. Hell, I got my ways. Thing is, despite my flaws, mistakes, hellcattery, and miscellaneous bullshit, I know five people who never left me hanging.
Shiiiid, it took death to lower the number by one!
One thing about those foke who have proven themselves to me is that they never hesitated to come to me to address things I've done.
They didn't go on social media and broadcast. I never had to question if a meme was subliminal. And most gotdamn importantly, I was first to know how they felt about an action pertaining to me. That truth stung, but I never had to hear from an outsider that my friend didn't like something I said or did.
The last six months or so have shown me a lot about friendship.
My real friends called me out as necessary. They didn't cheer me on in my presence only to convene in an inbox about how messed up I was. My people directly addressed me.
I love them for that.
It hurts to lose friends, especially to someone who values friendship so much. However, Ith can't even consider them to be friends if they flipped on me so quickly.
Fuck it...I'll be fine with that small circle of trusted fokes. Granted, the cookout won't be lit as hell with fokes parked all down the street. But to break bread with people who truly got my back, aren't fake, and whose allegiance doesn't waver like a ceiling fan missing a blade means more than anything in this world.
In less than two months, I'll be 35 years old. The best gift I can ever give myself is peace of mind. To know that my real friends will catch me when I fall, answer when I call, and stand by me is amazing. I'll mourn the loss, but in time the wounds will heal.
Tam deserves way more than people think she does. See, to those who give no damns about me, they'll say "she deserves whatever happens to her". To those who value me, they'll say "you deserve better, so tighten up".
I deserve better..so I'm tightening up..Archie Bell.
And to those who think I'm "playing the victim", go straight to hell. There are many battles going on in my life, and that information is not for public consumption. It's for DAMN sure not for you to go relaying and gossiping. At this juncture, if you don't know what's going on, there's most likely a reason. If your "knowledge" of what's going on with me comes from some sumbitch who hasn't spoken directly to me, then you don't know shit. If you think so little of me that you won't come straight to me..well, you have no place in my realm.
I owe nobody anything, especially fokes who ain't putting in on me and my kids eating.