When Compliments Go Horrendously Askew

I gets a hit up via messenger from a friend I've never met in person.  So allow me to share...

Said person shall be referred to as "Said Person".

Said Person:  Hey!
Me:  Evenin'
SP:  It's like in the morning
Me:  That's fine
Me:  I dew that periodically
SP:  I just wanted to tell you congratulations on getting your weight down
Me:  Dank doo!
SP:  You are not as fat as you were
Me:  I know
SP:  Not that you were fat at first
Me:  It's cool.  I was fat.  Still am.
SP:  Yeah, you were fat.  But like you aren't that fat.
Me:  Uh herm
SP:  Okay, you were fatter but now you're just fat.
Me:  Dude.  Calm yo tits.  Like, you're making yoself look..odd
SP:  I know what I mean.  Don't get offended.
Me:  I'm not offended.  I'm just 'fused as hell.
SP:  I'm sorry.  I'm not good at typing my thoughts.
Me:  Shit...you had me fooled.
SP:  How about I just say congratulations and go on.
Me:  Yeah.  I mean...because I'm exhausted just reading.
SP:  I've embarrassed myself.
Me:  Albeit slightly.
SP:  Well you have nice hair.  Is it yours?
Me:  Alright, nice talking to you.  I'm going to go outside and fart.

Please note:

I really wasn't offended.  Jones was just really having a hard time and I didn't have enough sense not to silently heckle...


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