When Compliments Go Horrendously Askew

I gets a hit up via messenger from a friend I've never met in person.  So allow me to share...

Said person shall be referred to as "Said Person".

Said Person:  Hey!
Me:  Evenin'
SP:  It's like in the morning
Me:  That's fine
SP:  LOL
Me:  I dew that periodically
SP:  I just wanted to tell you congratulations on getting your weight down
Me:  Dank doo!
SP:  You are not as fat as you were
Me:  I know
SP:  Not that you were fat at first
Me:  It's cool.  I was fat.  Still am.
SP:  Yeah, you were fat.  But like you aren't that fat.
Me:  Uh herm
SP:  Okay, you were fatter but now you're just fat.
Me:  Dude.  Calm yo tits.  Like, you're making yoself look..odd
SP:  I know what I mean.  Don't get offended.
Me:  I'm not offended.  I'm just 'fused as hell.
SP:  I'm sorry.  I'm not good at typing my thoughts.
Me:  Shit...you had me fooled.
SP:  How about I just say congratulations and go on.
Me:  Yeah.  I mean...because I'm exhausted just reading.
SP:  I've embarrassed myself.
Me:  Albeit slightly.
SP:  Well you have nice hair.  Is it yours?
Me:  Alright, nice talking to you.  I'm going to go outside and fart.








Please note:

I really wasn't offended.  Jones was just really having a hard time and I didn't have enough sense not to silently heckle...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why I Decided On Surgery..De-Fat Posting

Image
Okay so this is going to be one of those posts that will result in somebody being butthurt.  I have no earthly idea why because it means said butthurt soul would be that way for something unrelated to them. Yes, I have had Gastric Bypass Surgery...and no, I do not regret it one bit.  I also don't think it's up to anyone to tell me the following (in a completely unsolicited manner): *Who had it and regretted it *Who had it and had a gang of wrinkles, extra skin or whatnot *What they think of people who have weight loss surgery Why? Because... Yes, these memes help me be a snarky bastard yet keep the mood light. Before I go any further, I am not a jerque.  I am not someone who walks around with a perpetual attitude and my nose turned up at everyone.  I don't have disdain for people's opinions and I do accept that I am not the only person in the world.  I can discuss things and be okay if you don't roll with me. ...
Read more

De-Fat Journey Thoughts for 7/9/12

Image
I need my ass WHOOPED for the last five days!!! I know I didn't do right. I feel kind of bad because I wasn't intending on being as sedentary on the holiday week.  I threw down the last three days on the fie barbecue, had some brownies, drank a gang of tea...UGH! Honestly, I'm alternating between emotions right now.  Do I get on my own ass for not doing right or do I applaud myself for progress thus far?  Do I acknowledge that 20 pounds of weight lost is great or do I get mad that it's not more? Well..I will not allow myself to go back to a slump about this.  I know I want to do more, and I know that I'm gathering more info to do better.  So I will give myself a shout out for still having the desire to work out and live better. Since I have never been on this type of journey before, it's still processing for me.  I have to fight the mental mind...in short, I have to be mindful that progress is progress...even if it isn't what I want it to be....
Read more

Depressed, Compressed, Oppressed, Suppressed, Damn Pressed.

I been battling depression the last month, yall. I haven't really had any motivation. I've spent the last thuddy days aggressively applying for job after job. I only got on my computer for applying. I've tried everything from receptionist to material handler and nothing has worked. I found myself getting angry. I began getting offended. I channeled my David Ruffin a la Temptations Movie and began yelling "YOU UNGRATEFUL SONS OF BITCHES" at rejection emails. I got bitter. I began feeling the urge to reply to the individuals who told me that "my experience was impressive" but they found someone "whose experience more closely matched" doing exactly what I did at my old gig. I drove up to one place that famously had me waiting FOUR HOURS only to have the owner interview someone who came in later than I did and pass me on to the other admin assistant...and fought the urge to go in and ask for him. Oh yes, children..heffer was GUN hot. Then I r...
Read more