Tam's List of Annoying Americans

This is not politcally correct. Hell, has anything I've written been politically correct? Anyhoo, there is no particular order, but these are people that make me want to get up and cleanse my colon.

*Britney Spears* I don't know whether or not to pity her, worry about her, or slap the hell out of her. She is the only white woman I've ever known to lose and regain custody of her children more times than I've gone to the Chinese Buffet at the intersection of Ross and Winchester. She wasn't really much of a singer, but she has gone off and messed up the one thing she could do...dance aimlessly. Someone should talk her into going back to Louisiana to take Driver's Ed again.

*Star Jones* Star is smart, eloquent, and well dressed. However, I have never met a woman who is in deeper denial than she is. I will commend her on making a name for herself, but I was less than enthralled when she kept telling people she lost half of her body weight from Pilates and a diet. Finally, she came out and admitted that she had gastric bypass. For almost three whole weeks, she looked GOOD! However, she has now managed to look like a deflated balloon. Well, at least she still has Al Reynolds...or DOES she???

*Condoleeza Rice* I refuse to believe working for George Bush doesn't offer a dental plan.

*50 Cent* I won't knock his hustle, but I can't understand anything he says except "if Kanye outsell me, I'll retire". LIAR!

*Jerry Springer* Okay, the only reason we watched that show was to see the midget lesbian get her a** whooped by the woman her girlfriend cheated on her with AND to see Steve come and break up the fight. Well, now that Steve has his own talk show...you can go home.

*Paris Hilton* I've seen more of that woman than I care to. She goes to jail for a little while and comes out with a newfound sense of purpose. However, she was sidetracked by that party she saw on the way to buy some sense of purpose.

*Elizabeth Hasselbeck* What the hell is her purpose anyway?

*Bishop Thomas Weeks, III* This man looks like a chipmunk, THEN beats the hell out of Juanita Bynum for whatever reason. You have your nerve to beat the hell out of anyone when you look like Crash Bandicoot. He then goes back to the pulpit like nothing happened...

*Eddie Murphy* Sooooo...El Supersperm knocks up a Spice Girl, then mobs out for Tracey Edmonds while badmouthing said Spice Girl. Now that the paternity test has revealed that he be the pappy, he hasn't said much of anything. Hey Eddie!!!! Guess what? You may have been nominated for an Academy Award, but you will NAYVER live down "Pluto Nash"! Don't get cocky, bruh!!!

*Donny Osmond* I hate his white teeth.

*Soulja Boy* Damn that Soulja Boy for creating the "Crank Dat ____ " phase. Now, young adults and children are cranking that Soulja Boy, Batman, Spiderman, Lawnmower, Lion King, Old Man, Superman, Juggernaut, X-Men, Professor X, etc. I'm going to go home and work on a new dance called Crank Dat Food Stamp and see if I can get rich.

*George Bush* ..............................

*Al Sharpton* Black people PLEASE don't hurt me, but yall KNOW all Sharpton is annoying as hell! Why do you think that white people hurry up and meet his demands? You want to know why Al gets white people to change and treat black people with equality? Come on, when we see a big black man with a perm, we think two things...Big Worm from "Friday" or a pimp. And NOBODY wants to piss either off.

*Reed Walters* He's the District Attorney of Jena, LA. If that isn't enough of a reason to be on this list then what is?*Dick Cheney* You know...when is his heart attack going to stick?

*Tameka Foster* The reason I'm annoyed with Usher's wife isn't because she "stole" him from millions of fans, but because she doesn't do a good enough job of conveying to the media that the child she just gave birth to is her FOURTH child. It's not a secret that she has three children from a previous marriage, but I feel like you should demand that respect for them. I can't wait to see all the pictures that will likely come out with just her, Usher and the baby (who may be named Usher Raymond, V). If she doesn't include all of her kids, then she loses more of my respect. Women should never make a difference of their children regardless of what they feel for the father.

*Solange Knowles* Well, she's been officially divorced for a while now. However, whenever she is being interviewed, she refuses to say the words "shotgun" and "wedding" in the same sentence. Denial is a hell of a drug. At least she has a beautiful son...it's a shame his picture is on that God-awful Baby Jamz line she has started at Wal-Mart. She's singing on ALL the songs!

...and last but not least...

*all the people who work at Memphis Light Gas and Water* Do you know how much my damn bill was last month? All of yall are wrong as hell for sending me some high a** bill like that. Yall got light bills last month, too. You know that's too much money to pay to read a book at night! A light bill should never cost more than a brand new video game system! Why did I look at my light bill and realize I would have to give plasma to pay it? Why am I trying to donate eggs so I can cover next month's bill??? You know that's too much money!


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