2017...The MUVA of All Learning Experiences!!!

I had been festering mightily on how FUCT UP the year of our Lorde 2017 was for me. Like, all damn year, I been catching varying degrees of hell and I just...UGH...was about to wax poetically about how I hated every damn month of this year.



But I chilled.

That's right. I chilled.

Instead of allowing myself to cry, wax, wane and go on about the shitshow that was this whole year, I decided to do myself a much needed favor. I'm about to flip all of this and tell you that each and everything that happened to me has made me a magnanimous mofo who is about to show herself a thing or two.

You can spectate if you wanna.

*Self Love is The Best Love: All this year has been a chain of reminders that nobody is going to give me love like I can. Shiiiid, it's a reason why people flock to train wrecks. Either they want to save the day or watch shit burn. Thing is...how do you know who's coming to do what? There's a risk in awaiting rescue because you may never be saved, or some sumbitch is saving you for their own gain. If I take the initiative in giving myself the love I need, then I won't need anyone to save me. Outside love is supposed to supplement my own. Never should it supercede.



*Needing/Wanting Attention is NOT a Bad Thing: I enjoy being the center of attention at times. The Gemini in me is fully aware that within 24-36 hours of desiring said attention, my black ass is going Full Hermit and hiding in my fort. I spent so much time trying to deny that I crave attention that I almost convinced myself that it was bad. No...it ain't. As with anything in life, there's a time and a place for it. I am also aware that I don't have to do shit I don't want to do to get it. I love being the star of the story! It's a rush! So why should I deny that's who I am? You won't catch me doing un-Tamlike things for it, though.



*Simple Joys Ain't Simple if it Brings Me Joy: I went back to the good ol' days of journals, books, music, and binge watching all the things. Mane, I used to be so ashamed to admit that I didn't have any major hobbies, until I realized that no matter the bullshit that hit my ass that day, those hobbies brought me back to life! I've added makeup and nails into the mix, and am so much happier. Why not find joy in something that cannot be controlled by outside forces? I mean, it's not based on other foke moods. Perfect!


*Self Care Ain't Selfish: I got my ass handed to me for not answering the phone. But hell, I didn't *want* to. No shade on anyone in particular, but I didn't feel like it. I used to push through for people, even if I didn't feel like it. I never wanted to let anyone down, ya know? So I would ignore my mental and physical wellness to be what others needed. For what, tho? To have foke all like "you're so sweet" or "you'll do anything for anybody"? But Tam never busted her ass for herself that way. I asked a friend "how do yoy make time for yoself?" Her reply was simple: "Take it." From that day to this, I never let my needs go on the backburner. I'm typing this damn blog whilst drying my navy blue nails. I wanted blue nails...so I painted them junts. Boom.



*The Squad Ain't As Big As it Used to Be, but Tis YET a Squad: Oh how I never, EVER, thought I'd be cool with that!!! It's a beautiful thing, y'all. I love knowing that the few saptappers I got really got me. I used to want like, a whole mess of foke in my corner until I started seeing these bastards ain't shit. One of my former longtime friends has YET to speak to me in over 16 months. Someone said "y'all just need to talk". Nigga...no. I don't owe her shit! If you can't reach out to me to see about me, then you can go. Throughout all the shit I've battled in 2017, I got texts, FB messages, voicemails, cards, and even wayward Square Cash love offerings from people who just wanted me to know they thought of me. So why..would..I..call..her?



*Social Media is Marvelous: I let myself be browbeaten for being on The Facebooks and The Twitters quite often. Thing is, it never impeded my job, my fam, my dogs, or my health. It's my way of connecting with the world when I want to and my key to Fantasyland when the real world pisses me smooth off. Hell, how else will I nail this damn cut crease? 😂



And most importantly...

*Never Dim Your Light to Keep Others Comfortable: I'm on my way to being something amazing, chile. My beauty, humor, intellect, connections, and hustle will be making my starpower go through the roof in 2018! I've got some things in my journal that I'm speaking into existence, so why would I curtail my fire? F'what, motherfuckers? This past fall, I had an "A-ha Moment" and discovered who Tam really was. I stopped envying the IG Plus Girls and owned my body's curves, flaws, and quirks. I didn't need to change the shit methought was wrong. I am what I am. Like the tattoo on my back says, "I am my own special creation".



To sum up 2017, it was my most formative year by far. How bad could it have been if it has made Tamara the best version she could ever have been? All the struggle, heartbreak, hurt, debt, illness, and loss has shown me my greatest form. Hell, I saw Earth Wind & Fire TWO TIMES WITHIN FIVE MONTHS! HOWDAHELL COULD THIS YEAR SUCK DONKEY BALLS WHEN I HUGGED NILE RODGERS AND TOOK A PIC WITH MY BOYS?! 





So this year was all about learning and survival. It was the time I needed to grow and prepare for my 36th year of life. When this year ends tomorrow, I'm going to bid that bitch farewell with deuces, and get ready to walk in the ball that is 2018.

Negativity cannot and shall not dwell in my temple ever again. My black ass is about to slide into greatness! 



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Woman's Worth...aka-More Than $500k, But Not Quite $9.99

De-Fat Journey Thoughts for 7/9/12

Depressed, Compressed, Oppressed, Suppressed, Damn Pressed.