Tam's Memphis Tiger Basketball Memo

Hello people and others. As you all know, John Calipari is now with the University of Kentucky. That means that there are going to be some changes up in this institution. As a former/future Tiger my damn self, I find it only necessary to issue out this memo:

*Please do NOT call Penny Hardaway and Larry Finch. They do not want to be the coach. That also goes for Tic Price. That makes us look desperate.

*We cannot apply to become an HBCU in hopes of playing a different group. It's bad enough that our conference gets pissed on.

*In light of the fact that several future signees are going with Calipari, it is only fair that we be allowed to ask the following people to join our team: Bo Outlaw, Chamique Holdsclaw, Dikembe Mutombo and Leroy. Only they can sell seats in the FedEx Forum now.

*You can NOT get a tuition refund.

*The Tigers will put out a rap song on the B-Side of the "Icky Shuffle".

*Our new theme song is "Fear the Tiger" by Bootsy Collins. Also followed by "Cheaper to Keep Her" by Johnnie Taylor.

*It is now okay to sell U of M Tiger Basketball apparel on Third Street.

*Smoking weed is fine too. We can't afford to kick anyone off the team, so you might as well get blowed.

*Now you see what happens when you leave the gate open? We lose whole people.

*I will now become the official Tiger Basketball Recruiter. I will be holding tryouts at the following locations: Halle Stadium, Peppertree Apartments, Pyramid Academy, and World Overcomers.

*Apparently, rebuilding the UC cost us a coach. Should've left the bastard the way it was and instead invest in new couches.

*Please refrain from egging/TP-ing/driving by Calipari's house. He ain't there no way.

*The Lady Tigers will be merging with the Men's basketball team. Who's going to ask questions now anyway.

*The minimum GPA to remain on the team is: a GPA.

*Do not heckle Calipari. Just ask him for some money. You know he got it.

*Abstain from leaving U of M. Instead, focus on using the profits from Tiger Basketball to start Tiger Bidwist, Tiger Dominoes, Tiger Spades (male and female), and Tiger "God of War" teams.

*Please...seriously...don't call Penny. Lorenzen neither.

Well that is all for now. Please remember that you too, would mob the hell out if you got paid $6.67 million a year. Be ye not brand new.

~Management

p.s.-We could hire Dhani Jones as my PR Rep.

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