Haymakers, Fires, and Situations...Version T.E.N

Well helloooooo nurse!

Today's episode of The T.E.N. News Report is sponsored by my damn self and the letter C. I ain't got much to discuss, so I'll make it sweet.

*Everyone's least favorite mama is in the news again. Well, methinks she never left. Aside from the fact that some places are calling her "Octopussy" (*snort*), Nadya Suleman will NOT be joining the TLC lineup of Big Ass Families with TV Shows! This word came down from the higher ups. Now, I would put out the conspiracy of saying that if she were married and stable, she could have her own show.

However, they have not released any kind of reason why, but it might have to do with all the hoopla surrounding her and the fact that she looks a whole lot like Angelina Jolie. Then again, I don't think anybody wants to be responsible for giving her any money since the State of California is going to end up paying thousands, if not meelions of dollars to take care of her. Personally, I think she's going to end up eight or ten kids short because I seriously feel like Cali is going to confiscate them seeds...

*Mandy Moore is engaged to Ryan Adams. I know you don't care.

*And Hayden Christensen is supposedly going to marry Rachel Bilson from The OC. Even I don't care about that. I just brings the news, man.

*In "Open Mouth, Insert Foot" news, I got Terrence Howard's mugshot! Yes, ninjas, in 2001, he cut a shine on his wife, Lori McCommas. He told her not to hang up the phone. She did. He cut a shine. He got caught. The end...

The funny part was when he said that the whole ChRihanna thing was "just life"...and he spranging on womens too.

Greg Sparks *runs off*

*Speaking of Scarred, Uncle Luke is in jail for owing the Miami courts $10,233.36 for back child support...

*Also in Hip-Hop legal news, David Love, aka-Kid Capri was recently found guilty of violating a restraining order and harassment. Apparently, when his ex-girlfriend found out he had a fiance of six years elsewhere, she fired him. Brother Capri proceeds to email and act a donkey. Yeeeah, I'm going to need you not to do that...

Tamara suddenly wants to watch Def Comedy Jam. Remember the episode where Aries Spears was on there and he was like 16 years old and skinny?!?

*Here are some cute ass pics of KimorJimon. Dude, she's showing!

*A&E is going to have a reality series showing MC Hammer raising his five kids. Apparently, this show is going to be focused more on that because the execs thought that it was hot that he has been married to the same woman for 23 years and has a tight family in spite of the success he had. It's going to be called "Hammertime".

They really, really thought that out.

*In case yall didn't know, this Sunday is the Oscar showdown. Should Heath Ledger win (and I hope he does), it'll be going to his daughter Matilda. She won't have full custody of it until she's 18, at which she'll then have to sign a contract with the Academy stating that before she sells it, she has to offer it back to them for $1. Imagine Show & Tell in elementary school...

*In "Got to be More Careful" news, Tracy Morgan's NYC apartment burned down.

*In "She Needs to Catch Re-Vitaligo" news...here's Lil' Kim...

Join me next time when I'll talk about other stuff that I think matters.

Right now, there's still purely speculation on the big mess betwixt Chris & Rihanna so I'm kind of taking a "hands off" approach until I get some CONCRETE facts and photos. Unlike Gayle King, I'm not goings around saying that I don't accept Chris' apology. I will say this much: I don't believe the reports that RiRi had a busted lip, bloodied nose and knots because I would like to think that she put her hands up to block any blows after the first one. Seeing as Brother Brown ain't Mike Tyson, I don't think he could've done all that. I do think that she loves him and wants to work things out. With all that being said, it's best to abstain from any comments until we got evidence...

Aight yall, I'm gone!



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