Thoughts from the Cool Side of the Pillow

I like Kim Kardashian.

Why does it feel like I should be in a meeting for this?  LMAO!

While I have only watched "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" a handful of times, I actually have taken a liking to her over the years.  If anything, I think this blog may be what gets a slushie thrown at me.  That's fine, just don't get it on Le Yukon.  Allow me to share why I like her:

*She managed to make a killing off of her brand.  That sheet takes TALENT!  The web often asks "what is she famous for?  A sex tape?!"  Hell, did you know who she was before her and Ray J had a documented rolling in le hay?  Nope.  Somehow, someway, she used her existence to make a grip.  That's very admirable.  In essence, isn't that what we do when we go on an interview?  Selling yourself to make grip?  Sounds like the same thing.

*She didn't follow the rules.  Typical gender roles frown upon a woman being all boldlike about their relationships.  Kim isn't the first woman to date how she wants and live by her rules, but it takes courage to be that way in an age of shaming and shit.  You hear me mention shaming a lot, but it's because it happens more than it should in an age where we as women should have more freedom.

*She is technically no different than anyone else, she's just open about it.  Do you think Kim Kardashian is the first woman to have been divorced twice before 35?  You think she's the only one who wants to date a man with SOMETHING to bring to the table?  There are women out here who make Walmart money and wouldn't want a man making that or less.  Thing is, they are labeled "gold diggers" if they have a little too much to ask.  We hear people say "you want someone to be something YOU aren't".  So if Kim has long money, why should she not want a man with long money?  The average woman doesn't want to have worked hard to establish herself..only to then attract a man to allow him to siphon from her.  Now don't get it twisted, it doesn't mean that a well off woman should act like she's better than a blue collar brother.  Just think about it...if you're working hard, don't you want a hard worker too?  If you are trying to keep your future in order, don't you want a partner with that same ambition?  I guess if you're Kim Kardashian, it's gold digging.  Janet Jackson is with a billionaire.  Why isn't it gold digging when she is with a set man?  Go ahead, I'll wait.

*Sexually liberated, she is.  Again, I love that she is not walking around here like she's a saint.  People call women like her hoes, but is it being whorish when a man is the same way?  When a man performs oral sex on a woman, it's part of the game.  When a woman does it to a man, she's a slut.  You don't take her home to meet mama.  You don't "wife" that.  Hmm.  Last time I checked, she was a grown ass woman capable of making sound decisions.  If she wants to be satisfied, she knows what she needs to do to make that happen. Since I'm basing that on her tape with ol' Willie Norwood, let me also bring that up.  You think she's the first woman to make a tape with her dude?  She just made money from her situation...other women didn't.  Oh, so she's a ho for that?  Well, what does that make Ray J?  Again, I'll wait.

*She knows human nature pretty well.  Scour Yahoo for articles about virtually any topic in entertainment, and you'll find her name popping up somewhere.  What makes it REALLY funny is that it even pops up in articles that have NOTHING to do with her!  Imagine being so popular that people bring your name up in stuff that has nothing to do with you!  "But it's always something bad" you say.  Press is press, people.  As long as she's in the press, she gets money.  You think she gives a damn that you don't like her?  But the media likes her because you talk about her.  Kim can't make a living if you don't talk about her.  Why else would she wear that couch cover at the MET Gala?

*She really isn't that far away from people we know personally.  It's just that everything she does is publicized and run with.  You think she's the first person to get knocked up by another dude while married to another dude?  You think she's the first broad to get caught up?  You think Kris Jenner is the only mom who pushes her daughters to get money?  If you think Kim is so dearly departed from people we know?  She's not.  She's just made more grip from it than our people.

"You're dick riding Kim" you say.  To which I say I'm not.  But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't like how she is making mad coin from making you talk about her.  She went from being a sidekick to a celeb...and she really hasn't got talent worth a damn.  She's who she is and doesn't hide.  She isn't like those fokes who act like they've never done anything contrary to what society thinks they should do.  I like that Kim is Kim.  I don't KNOW her, but from what I see, I tip my hat.  I like women who live as they desire because that's what I do each day...when I wear jeans, tees, an LL Bean backpack, a ponytail and not give a damn if you think I shouldn't.  Too many people these days worry so much about what other people will think about them and they don't realize that people are going to talk anyway.  So if you're going to talk about me, might as well make sure it's accurate.

Just being honest.  If I can parlay this "Me-As-Hellness" into enough money to pay off Sallie Mae and get me and the fam a nice house, I'm going to werque this!  LMAO!  Shiiiiiid.

Parent Shaming/Bashing, You're Doing it Wrong...

I really tried to hold on to my belief of not bashing parents on Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day.  I jokingly save my roasts until the Monday after, out of respect for the real parents who do what is expected.  I have said that I would break the cycle of spending special days talking about the fools we all know of.  Ask anyone you know, and they'll tell you about a mom or dad who didn't do their jobs correctly.  Hell, search any news site and you will find examples of piss poor parenting.  We have always had examples of what is wrong with fulfilling your God given role, and, unfortunately, we will continue to have them as long as humans decide that their needs far surpass the needs of their children.

The reason I'm typing furiously and full of rage is because today reminds me why I don't like reading too many posts on either holiday.  When an FB friend made a post about being tired of the dad bashing, one of the replies mentioned a woman justifying her "loose vagina".  To say I was pissed was an understatement.  I will say that I maintained my rule about not tooting up under others' posts, albeit barely.  It took everything in me not to ask that person "how DOES a vagina get loose?  Doesn't it need a penis to help that?  It's okay to label HER but not throw shade at him for taking a hold of pussy because it's laying there?  Oh, I guess it's okay for said dude to hit because she's loose and not use protection to prevent pregnancy.  After all, it's HER fault that she ended up a single mom because dude hit it raw then left?  Even if she said he could stand up in it without a condom, it's okay to blast her instead of asking dude what the HELL was he thinking?  Oh yeah...they think with their dicks and it's just accepted.  Gotcha".

I didn't do it.  I just snatched my laptop and came to this here blog o' mine.  The place where I can raise a shitload o' hell in my own house.  I mean, going to your house and pulling a honey badger is frowned upon, especially in Mississippi.

Since it's my house, I'm going to bullet this junt because my thoughts are all over the place.

*Let me begin my rant by saying that only a handful of posts go in about the fuckery of sorry moms.  As a believer in equality, I don't think we have the right to give excuses to bad mothering and bash bad fathering.  Granted, we can find more stories about Daddy Issues than bad mamas, but we must own that neither gender is immune to being a shitty parent.  I will also say that the courts around these parts tend to let these shitty moms not pay child support..while the struggling dads end up in arrears.

*While people are entitled to their opinions, it saddens me just how many women go along with the single mother bashing.  They don't just attack the fact that she was a mom out of wedlock, they attack her for being "stupid".  When a woman has several kids by more than one man, they call her names.  She has a "loose vagina".  She "hasn't learned how to use birth control".  They don't restrict the bashing to regular fokes.  Kate Winslet has had an article written about her, asking why her love life is a mess because she has three kids by three dads.  To hell with the fact she actually married the children's dads (she got married whilst pregnant to her 2nd child's father, but you feel me).  Quite naturally, she has to be the problem.  She's stupid.  She's crazy.  Women fold their arms, smack their teeth and shake their heads...calling her hoes and "stupid".  I've seen women label a woman "dumb bitch" because dude didn't stick around.  She MUST be dumb because she should have known dude wasn't shit.  "She knew when she met him he wasn't shit.  She tried to trap that mane".  Which brings me to the next thought.

*It is so much fun to tell a woman that she should have kept her legs closed, but how many of these single mom-bashers turn around and tell the wayward dad that he should have kept his dick in his pants?  You tell a consenting woman that she should not even have had sex but you won't tell that dude the same thing?  That double standard never leaves, does it?  A "whorish" man can marry a relatively chaste woman without issue, but when a "whorish" woman even DATES a relatively chaste man...the groans start.  I'm sure that men will love to discuss how that's just fine, but since this is my little blog, I'll be the first to say that's bullshit.  As a woman, I will say that it is my responsibility to take care of my body.  It's my job to secure birth control and keep this sexy ass temple in line.  Alas, it isn't 100% and sheet happens.  It's just funny how we never really hear "forcibly sterilize" being thrown in the direction of men with too many kids.  Hell, even Michelle Duggar has people talking about how she needs to stop "breeding" and she's a married damn woman.  Always the woman's fault, hmm?

*I'm sure that people are really sick of the bitter woman posts.  I admit I hate seeing them too.  But if a person is hurt, angry or pissed, why do we attack them by telling them it's their fault?  Granted, we all know of a woman who operated under the assumption of a baby being the "savior" of a dying relationship (or even being what would turn a fling into a relationship).  It isn't wise, but we can never say how we would feel if we were in that situation.  I'm sure someone will say "well, I wouldn't have unprotected sex with someone I'm in a dying relationship with" **grammar has been murked on purpose**.  Arrogance speaks volumes...because there are people in dying marriages with newborn babies (after all, you're better than her because you have a husband.  Out of wedlock does NOT always mean unhappiness).  Thing is, the spouse may not know this for certain quite yet.  So if one person is sad/bitter/angry/hurt, we're supposed to shut them up?  Let them rant, shit.  I'm sure someone could rant about you, too.

*How can a man be trapped if he's being responsible sexually?  I know women will poke holes in condoms and lie about being on the pill...but why not take steps to make sure no woman can bring that ass to Maury Povich?  Yes, we as women should take care of our reproductive health, but men should as well.  In the age if "oh shit, I'm burning" and HIV/AIDS, ALL sexually active souls should be protected.  There are even articles in which men ask for the ability to not be forced into fatherhood.  Easy solution...wrap it up, B.

***takes a long tea break***

Aight, where was I?

*Let's get back into this "she should have known he wasn't shit" concept.  I have been one to say this too...so I'm stepping on my own toes here.  I guess it goes to show how we've all blamed/shamed in some capacity or another.  If you haven't, then I tip my hat, son.  We are ALL on the outside looking in on relationships.  Even if that was your best good friend involved in the drama, you still don't know everything going on.  Right now, there are Facebook statuses and pics posted of "happy" couples who are an argument away from Jail East or divorce court.  This means that in most cases, you're only hearing half of all stories.  Think about the cheating wives/husbands who tell their dude/broad on the side that their spouse doesn't understand them or doesn't try hard enough.  Now apply that to the men who say the baby mama is just mad he moved on or the chicks who say that dude isn't trying to do right.  You don't know.  So don't join in on the mudslinging...because you may not know that the angry baby mama could have a legit reason for her fussing (new girlfriend is getting all the funds that should be going towards helping with daycare) or that dude really IS trying (but the new dude has Alpha Male issues and wants the biological out of the way).  You DO know that stuff happens.

I could go on and on about how tiring it is when I see fokes being judged about their decisions.  I know it's common to blame moms when they go in about them being the mom AND dad.  The web posts pics blasting them for saying this.  The debate goes on about how a woman cannot teach a man to be a man and how she should thank the male role models.  Alas, in this mess, I never hear someone say "a man can't teach a girl how to be a woman" but some dads raised some outstanding young women ON THEIR OWN.  Do we tell dude to thank the woman who helped out, even though there are situations in which he had no other woman help?  We don't.  It could be due to the fact that we have more stories about single moms.  I'm sure there are so many hypotheses about why this is the case, but casting a negative light on a woman does not change her situation.  While you're looking at her, talk to your boy about why he didn't do better.

I got a message about being pissed about my oldest daughter's dad screwing up my bank account with his bad child support checks.  I was told that I was better than that and that I should not be "like that".

Tell you what...email him and ask him why he didn't think enough of his daughter than to give me a non-rubberized check.  And just before you call me bitter and tell me it's MY fault, think of it this way...I haven't taken him to court because I am trying to keep this matter peaceful.  I wanted to keep a positive parenting relationship.  I guess my relationship with Suntrust is strained in the process.

~Fin

p.s. - I know I'm partial.  I can't lie.  But at least I am honest about my feelings as I was a single mom myself.  I have my fair share of stories about the things that her dad dropped the ball on.  In spite of this, I don't roast him publicly like I really want.  I've been so angry that I wanted to go Full Ratchet instead of Quarter Ratchet.  My closest circle knows what has gone on, but we don't know why he flakes out on his part of the deal.  The reason why I am passionate about this subject is because I lived it.  I was blessed to have an awesome support system throughout my daughter's life, which meant that when he didn't do right, my child didn't suffer.  I don't spend nights dwelling on his fails, instead choosing to focus on the fact that God always makes sure this girl is in great shape.  Some people don't have that type of support, which is why I will never tell them how to feel.  I was once told that I was "a good baby mama" because I don't keep up drama and clown him.  Honestly, I want to do it...every single damn time he screws up.  I just don't because it isn't in my nature.  But when you are a parent, you get a rage in your chest when someone doesn't do right by your child.  You fight for your child because you love your child.  Is that such a crime?  Is it so wrong to be passionate about your gift?  I guess so...especially if you were "stupid".

Because I Need Gifs for My Thoughts

1.  I'm not as fat as I was a year ago.

2.  Alas, I am still not a lottery winner.

3.  I can walk around the park whilst on the phone and not be too winded to throw shade!

4.  I'm starting to get my self esteem back up and regain my coolness.

5.  Birthday Vacation 2013 is days away.

6.  I'm going to build myself up to take off running this summer.

7.  Alas, I worry if it'll go right.  Seeing as it's me...it won't.

8.  I don't know what I'll do when I get back to work on the 17th.  Might just dodge people.

9.  Maybe I should go to the casino and try to hit a lick.  If I do, I won't go too ham.

10. I should work on my Farewell Dance.

~fin

Thoughts Whilst Recovering..

I think I found the picture that best summed up how I looked whilst walking yesterday.

That is all.

When Compliments Go Horrendously Askew

I gets a hit up via messenger from a friend I've never met in person.  So allow me to share...

Said person shall be referred to as "Said Person".

Said Person:  Hey!
Me:  Evenin'
SP:  It's like in the morning
Me:  That's fine
SP:  LOL
Me:  I dew that periodically
SP:  I just wanted to tell you congratulations on getting your weight down
Me:  Dank doo!
SP:  You are not as fat as you were
Me:  I know
SP:  Not that you were fat at first
Me:  It's cool.  I was fat.  Still am.
SP:  Yeah, you were fat.  But like you aren't that fat.
Me:  Uh herm
SP:  Okay, you were fatter but now you're just fat.
Me:  Dude.  Calm yo tits.  Like, you're making yoself look..odd
SP:  I know what I mean.  Don't get offended.
Me:  I'm not offended.  I'm just 'fused as hell.
SP:  I'm sorry.  I'm not good at typing my thoughts.
Me:  Shit...you had me fooled.
SP:  How about I just say congratulations and go on.
Me:  Yeah.  I mean...because I'm exhausted just reading.
SP:  I've embarrassed myself.
Me:  Albeit slightly.
SP:  Well you have nice hair.  Is it yours?
Me:  Alright, nice talking to you.  I'm going to go outside and fart.

Please note:

I really wasn't offended.  Jones was just really having a hard time and I didn't have enough sense not to silently heckle...

Lessons I Learned from Brother Kanye

Let me begin by saying that I don't know Kanye.  I've never met Kanye.  I was just feeling bloggy and I decided to share.

I know Kanye has a reputation for being a rather eccentric character.  Whenever people discuss him nowadays, there is always some kind of derogatory, highly opinionated adjective.  Maybe it's odd of me, but I think I've learned quite a bit from the man.  I shall share.

*You Can't Shut Me Up, Son*

There's something mighty admirable about a man who had a whole wreck, get his whole jaw reconstructed, then does an entire song with his damn jaw wired shut!  While I was not physically restricted like he was, life itself smacked me in my face more times than I can count.  As much as I've dealt with, I can see myself being silenced.  Alas, if I didn't say anything, then all of those adversities would have won.  Now, when I speak, I speak "through the wire".  I share my stories, I say what the hell needs to be said, and nothing is going to keep me quiet.

*When Something Ain't Right, Let it Be Known*

It was the rant heard around the damn world.  The moment when ol' Kanye made Mike Myers take the biggest non-toilet dump in history.  Yes, YOU know what I'm talmbout!

I remembered all the people saying "he killed his career" and "what the hell was he thinking".  Well, he told yall what the hell he was thinking.  The issue was not whether you agreed or not, he said what he had to say. Now, as it applies to me, I learned how to do the same.  I'm certain that people think "have some class" or that there is "a time and a place" to say things.  Who writes these rules?  When is it the right time and right place to say what's on your mind and in your heart?  You think Kanye gave a good gotdamn as to what you thought when he spoke his mind?  I have to say, if you keep waiting on the right time and place to say what's wrong, will you ever solve anything?  Yeah yeah, I know..."what did Kanye solve or help by saying that shit?"  Hell, who knows?  I ain't Kanye.

*I'm Wiser Than You Think*

The man may be known for some lightweight lyrics and some silliness, but when you actually listen to some of the lyrics, you can't deny there's some knowledge there.  Once you get past his antics and foolery, you can't help but to take note...the brother tries to teach it to the children.

I learned that people see me being silly and think that I don't have very much going on up top.  Yeah, I can be a joker...but when you get to know me, you'll find out that I have more sense than you think.  I'm more than random statuses and sexy New Balance shoes.  Hell, he's more than his behaviors.  Read the lyrics to "New Slaves".

*If Nobody Else Likes Me...I Like Me*

I've heard my fair share of "Kanye is getting too cocky" rants from the masses.  Apparently, people don't take too well to someone thinking highly of himself.  Granted, being too damn arrogant can make people uncomfortable.  However, if you aren't your greatest fan, who else WILL be?

Each day, I work harder on loving the hell out of me.  I'm better than I was a year ago, but not NEARLY where I want to be in the self-esteem category.  When I present myself to the world, I can't sell myself if I don't believe in myself.  I mean, Kanye's talent speaks for itself, but if he didn't carry himself like he thought he was the second coming, would people have noticed?

*If I Have a Song in My Bosom...*

Erykah said "gotdammit, I'mma sing my song" and Kanye felt the same way.  When Sir Yeezy released "808s and Heartbreaks", not too many of his fans were okay with it.  It wasn't on the same tip as his previous albums and it wasn't...you know...I mean, Jones was singing in auto tune!  The man was going through a lot, and he wanted to convey his emotions in a method other than straight up rap.  He said it was "therapeutic", which to me...justified the whole CD.

When I feel the need to get things off my chest, I need to do it the best way for me...not for anyone else.  My method is blogging, but if I have the desire to do something out of my "norm", it's going to get done, son.

*Yeah, I Did It*

Lemme insert this picture.

I don't think ANYONE will ever forget this infamous incident.  But you know what...he knows that too.  I can't help but to laugh because it was FUNNY!  What better lesson to learn than the fact that you WILL do something crazy as hell...might as well own up to it.  He did apologize..which is cool.  When foolishness ensues, we might as well own up to it.  No need to hire a "team" to Olivia Pope it away, just own it and gwone the hell on!

And last but not least...

*At the End of the Damn Day, I'm Going to Be Who I Be*

One of the most endearing traits that makes me a fan of Kanye West as the person is the fact that he's going to be who he is...and your approval is strictly optional.  From the beginning of his career to now, he does what he wants and he knows you're going to talk about it.  You can guarantee that each and every single week, there'll be a new Kanye story.  He's weeks away from being a dad to a kid by Kim Kardashian...and Ray J wanted people to know that he hit it first and all that good shit.  Let's go ahead and be honest, Kim married that boy that plays basketball...but it was Kanye's presence that made him do that song.  If Kanye was NOT who he was...you think Willie Ray Norwood, Jr. would've come with that mess?

Nah.

I can't help but respect a person who will not depart from who he is because it makes others uneasy.  People call fokes like him a "jerk", "arrogant", "full of himself", etc.  I call him "cool as hell".  I can't be anyone but Tamara, and that shan't change because certain aspects aren't up to YOUR standards.  Dame Shirley said "I am what I am, I am my own special creation"...and that's Kanye for you.

I don't know every song, nor do I have every album of his.  But he will always be respected to me.  Granted, I only know what is shown to me, as I do not know him personally.  I can't help but to think the dude is cool.  In a world of fakes, frauds and Nicki Minaj, it's refreshing to see genuine characters.  I'm getting to this level slowly but surely...and it's not done to make other people comfortable.  It's done because I've been stifled too long.  Call me crazy, but brothermane should open a charm school.  Hell, I'd go! LMAO

Just Some Thoughts, aka - Yeah, Son.

1.  I don't find anything wrong with stating your beliefs. I don't even have to agree with them.  What makes this country SOMEWHAT cool is the ability to have differing beliefs without someone murdering you.  However, what makes this country somewhat sucky is that people like to take their First Amendment right and bash you for not agreeing.  Why can't you simply say "let's agree to disagree" and move on?

2.  Jason Collins announced he was gay and the web has been abuzz.  I already knew to expect people to disagree with his lifestyle and coming out.  What I did NOT expect was for people to only be allowed to fall into two categories: Supportive or Homophobe.  I am a proud, PROUD ally, but even I know some people simply don't agree with people being gay.  Voicing your disagreement with the lifestyle but maintaining respect for the PERSON is fine.  Treating them horribly due to your disagreement sucks.

3.  What I will admit being tired of hearing is "why do they have to FORCE gay on everyone" and the whole "Gay Agenda" thing.  To me, it goes to show how the majority is so comfortable in their majority status that they don't seem to think of others.  I'm on the outside looking in, as I am a straight woman married to a man.  However, a part of me wonders why it's cool to flaunt your straightness but it's "gross" for gays to be out.  I can post all the pics of me and my husband boo-ed up that I want. I can repost pics from our wedding shower.  I can brag on the pic of our marriage license about how happy I am to be married to him.  Aside from someone saying "damn son, you SPRUNG ain't it", I don't think I'd be told that I'm "forcing my heterosexual agenda" on people.  If anything, I'm happily in love..and I don't care who sees.  Why is it a problem for gays to do the same?

4.  On another note, I'm slick proud of Facebook for the "Hide Post" and "Unfollow Post" option.  Not proud of much else about them somebeeshes doe.

5.  Something about Beyonce doesn't let me LIKE her like her.  Oh, I know what it is, that whole GrimaceGate thing.  WHOO!  The fact that she is going to have her people distribute pics of her to news sources during her Mrs. Carter Tour takes away that "touchable" quality she used to have in my eyes.  I was never one of her greatest fans musically (I like about 6 songs that she's sang on TOTAL), but I respected her hustle and the ability to give her fans what they want time and time again.  I still can't knock her hustle.  Alas, I know what it's like to have some ugly ass pics of yourself in the atmosphere that you want to go away.  But damn, you are BEYONCE.  If people stopped wanting pics of you, you would then be Ciara.

That was out of spite.

6.  No matter what I do, I can't seem to get enough eggs. Them junts is fuego. Huevos Fuegos. Yeah, not sure if that's legit or not, but yeah.

7.  Everytime I get ready to take off running, something happens.  This week's episode is "My Left Knee Still Ain't Right from Tumbling in Wendy's".  Then the nuggets were mediocre.  Maybe I'll be back right by next week so I can hit this track like a boss.  Lemme check the weathery-thingy.

8.  Tumblr be slick pissing me off.  I am thinking aboot seriously having a Come to Jesus meeting with my follower list.  I'm tired of the hyper angry, uber feminist, you ain't shit cuz you want to lose weight, you ain't shit cuz you got a relaxer, etc. crowd.  I just want some mindless fun, fie memes and animated gifs that kick all the ass.  TUMBLR GIFS ROCK!

9.  My friends are more fabulous than your friends.  You want fabulous friends, but you can't have them because I have them all.

~Fin